


The Fitness Regime

by Ocean_Blue



Category: A-Team (2010)
Genre: Angst, M/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2013-08-02
Updated: 2013-08-02
Packaged: 2017-12-22 05:18:59
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 24,565
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/909376
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Ocean_Blue/pseuds/Ocean_Blue
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Face struggles to cope with having left the army when the team are first on the run. He starts a drastic fitness regime when he fears that he may lose Hannibal.</p>
<p>WARNING - This story does involve an eating disorder</p>
            </blockquote>





	The Fitness Regime

The Fitness Regime 

Face sat on the couch munching through his second packet of Doritos as he watched B.A. and Murdock playing on the Wii. Normally X-Box men, they had had to discover the delights of the Wii system as it was all the scammed house they were occupying had to offer. Face could have obtained an X-Box by now but he really could not be bothered and anyway this was fun to watch. B.A. the close combat specialist who outweighed Murdock by at least two to one was getting beaten by him in the world of computerised boxing. 

B.A. let out another growl as his character hit the deck, put down yet again by a combination of wild punches from Murdock’s skinny red headed character. Murdock stood patiently watching the countdown as B.A. waved his controller around in the air in some desperate hope that his man would get back up. When he didn’t the inevitable happened and B.A. threw the controller across the room, Face following it with his eyes turning his head to see it land in the fruit bowl on the window ledge, “Good shot,” he mumbled appreciatively and turned his head back to watch the show.

“That’s it. I’m never playing again.” B.A.s shouted words would have held more sway had it not been said every time they played. But every time he got lured back in by the thought that Murdock could not keep winning forever. A flawed idea that Face had used to draw suckers into games of chase the lady in his pre Hannibal days, but Face had been cheating then, Murdock was just brilliant at computer games and B.A….. well, he wasn’t.

Murdock stood rocking on the balls of his feet, head tilted up towards his opponent, “You know big guy, you really got to put more power into it instead of punching like a girl.”

Face turned his head back to B.A. waiting for the counter attack and it looked like it was going to be a good one, his fists were already clenched.

But a strong voice called out from upstairs as Hannibal crossed the landing heading back to their room after his bath, “Face that is not a spectator sport.”

A short sentence that could be interrupted in many ways, but Face knew it meant do something to stop this going too far and to be fair last night’s show did get a little out of hand so he leant forward, “Hey Murdock, you got any of that blue dip stuff left?” 

Murdock turned, smiling, “Yeah sure, I stuck the rest of it in the freezer, I’ll go get it.” He was already walking away towards the kitchen.

Distraction complete, full blown altercation averted and although a little disappointing, Face really did not want Hannibal to have to come down and intervene again. Then something struck him as odd and he called after Murdock, “Won’t that dip thing be frozen now?”

“Course not, anti-freeze doesn’t freeze.”

Oh no not again, he had really thought that the blue colour was down to spices or something.

B.A. flopped down onto the couch beside him, reaching over to help himself to a large handful of Doritos, giggling, “Bet you’re glad you only had the one bowl of it last night now hey?” 

Face shrugged, “It tasted good and I haven’t gone blind yet.”

B.A. reached over and snatched another handful from the packet Face was holding up resting on his chest and it was promptly pulled away, “Hey get your own.”

“Can’t man, that’s the last one and the second one you’ve had.”

Frowning Face looked down at the packet in question, this was really his second packet, he hadn’t noticed. “Not much else to do but eat right now is there?” He cringed at the way that came out, he sounded like a sulky teenager. Next he would be coming out with the classic ‘I’m bored.’

“I’m bored,” Murdock sat down cross legged on the side table next to the couch with a bowl of blue mushed up stuff, dipping his finger in and licking it clean.

This time B.A. went for the whole packet grabbing it off Face and munching away, “Yeah man, I hope the boss is right about people wanting to hire us, if it don’t happen soon we’re all be totally out of shape.”

“Course he’s right B.A., you heard what he said, we just have to lay low for a while longer till some of heat dies down. Then we can start looking for clients.” Face made no move to try and retrieve his snack.

“I hope it’s soon,” Murdock put the bowl down and placed his feet on the floor, “Do you know how long it has been since I flew anything other than a paper plane.”

“It will be Murdock, we’ve just got to give it a while longer.” Face knew this enforced inactivity was grating on them all now. But he also knew that Hannibal was right, the search for them was still too active. To move more out into the open now would be asking for trouble and although that was something they did not shy away from, they were also not stupid. Lying low for a while longer was their best option.

“Well the longer it is,” sighing Murdock got up and padded across to retrieve B.A.s controller, “The longer I have to teach B.A. to fight,” he held out the controller, “Come on big guy.”

Indecision was clearly written on B.A.s face until the pull that maybe this would be the time he knocked Murdock’s skinny little character on its ass became too strong. He slapped the packet back onto Face’s stomach and pushed himself off the couch. Murdock looked at Face, “You keep eating them Faceman, we gonna have to call you Fatman and the girls won’t want to look at you with your shirt off anymore.” 

Face did not need the accompanying smile and wink to know that his friend was just teasing him and he knew that he was expected to tease him right back, but his heart was not in it and he just smiled. B.A. had taken the opportunity of Murdock’s distraction to start the game and land a few undefended punches and Murdock’s attention was soon in the game.

Murdock may have been teasing, but he did have a point nonetheless and so did B.A. He had been getting lazy. In the Army he had had a regime just like athletes did. Because that is what he had been, the sport they played was different but he still had to be at the top of his game every time he entered the playing field. When they had been on a tour or on the call out roster he had stuck to a rigid regime that covered what he ate and the exercise he took. When on down time or on leave he had relaxed a bit, eased up, of course he had, but never like this. Since going on the run he had definitely gotten lazy. Even in prison he had done more to keep in shape, part of the structured days. Now instead of exercising to relieve the boredom, he was lounging around with the guys, playing stupid pranks with Murdock, and finding a million stupid little ways to fill the time, including eating. So now he was aware, he would do something about it and he sat for a while not really watching the game playing out in front of him anymore, a heavy feeling settling in his gut.  
__________________________

Not long after, he left the guys to it and went upstairs to turn in for the night, finding Hannibal wearing a deep blue robe that they had found at the house heading for the door just as he entered their room. The turned down bed and open book on the side a testament to what he had been doing while they had been immersed in computer games. Hannibal smiled at him reaching a hand out to rest on his lower back as they met in the doorway.

“Just going to get a drink, you want anything?”

Face smiled back, “No I’m good.”

Hannibal leant in and brushed his lips against his ear, “We both know that’s not true,” his whisper was low, almost a growl and his lover kissed his cheek as he pulled back still smiling before going downstairs.

Face moved further into their room unbuttoning his shirt as he went and headed for the laundry basket in the corner but caught his reflection in the full length mirror as he passed the wardrobe door. He stopped and let his shirt hang open looking at himself with an objective eye. He pushed the shirt back a little off his shoulders and turned. He could see he had already put on a bit of weight, lost some muscle tone as well. 

If he was honest with himself, something which he usually tried to avoid because in his opinion honesty was overrated, despite what Hannibal thought. If he was being honest it was not just his fitness level that worried him. Murdock’s jibe about the girls not wanting to see him with his shirt off anymore had scored a direct hit. Only it was not the girls he was worried about it was Hannibal. The Colonel loved the way he looked, his lover made no secret of that. When they made love he would run his hands over his stomach, his arms, caress his back, whispering words like gorgeous, fucking beautiful and you look amazing. Yes Hannibal was very vocal in the bedroom, always saying how sexy he looked and if his body changed, in this new life of theirs outside of the Army, what was there to hold them together? If it turned out that no one wanted to hire them. That Hannibal’s vision of them as soldiers of fortune fighting for the underdog never happened. If that was the case would they then lose the biggest thing that kept them together? Their working relationship was so tightly interwoven with their personal, could they have one without the other? What would be the attraction for Hannibal if he allowed himself to get out of shape? 

Face took a couple of slow deep breaths as a sense of panic invaded him. He had lost the army, the only real home he had ever known. However much he had fought against the rules, run outside of procedure with the team, he had believed in the army, needed it’s structure. If he lost Hannibal too, he knew it would kill him.

His head snapped round towards the door at the sound of his lover’s voice floating upstairs, too indistinct to make out the words, but followed by laughter from Murdock. It was obvious Hannibal had been distracted in his task of getting a drink and Face gratefully used the time to try and pull himself together. He ran his hands over his face, keeping the tips of his fingers resting on his chin as he took in another deep breath, blowing it out slowly as he stared into the mirror. It was okay, he could deal with this. Now that he had seen the danger, he could take control of it. Make sure that he was in shape for their first job and if there wasn’t a first job he would make damn sure that Hannibal still wanted him.

One hand fell down by his side and he rubbed the other over his heavy evening stubble. The fullness in his stomach was not easing, the snacks and Murdock’s curry dinner making him feel bloated and he headed for the en-suite glad he could still hear Hannibal talking downstairs.

The en-suite was small only having enough room for a toilet and basin, the main bathroom was across the hall, but it served its purpose. Face retched again into the toilet leaning over with a steadying hand on the wall.

He winced when he heard the door open and felt Hannibal behind him, cursing that he had not heard him coming back upstairs. He felt a strong hand on his back which started rubbing slowly up and down with a tender touch.

“Hey what’s wrong?”

The concern he could hear in Hannibal’s voice was both comforting and an intrusion at the same time and he shrugged off the hand. He stood up straighter and flushed the toilet, moving over to the basin. Face forced a sheepish grin and tucked his open hanging shirt haphazardly into his jeans.

“Turns out the blue in Murdock’s blue dip is anti-freeze.” He felt the lie hang in the air between them, but it was better than the truth. Nothing is wrong Boss, I just stuck my fingers down my throat and I actually feel pretty good now.

Frowning Hannibal moved closer to him, “It didn’t make you sick last night.”

“I didn’t know what was in it last night,” he countered, avoiding Hannibal’s hand which was reaching out to his forehead by turning to the basin and reaching for his toothbrush.

“You looked flushed.”

“That’s cause I’ve just eaten anti-freeze.” He tried to sound subdued even though he felt better with the weight of the food gone.

Hannibal reached around his waist clearly intent on pulling him back into an embrace, but Face dropped the toothpaste in the basin so that he could move his arms down to retrieve it, effectively blocking the colonel’s move. 

Hannibal moved his hands up to the back of his shoulders instead, gently kneading his muscles and Face let himself lean back into it. “I’m fine Hannibal. I’ll just finish up here and be through.”

“Okay Temp,” Hannibal bent his head down and pressed his lips to the shirt just under the collar kissing the back of his neck through the material, “I’ll leave you to it.”

Letting out a shaky breath, Face continued to get ready for bed, taking his time in the vain hope that Hannibal would be asleep by the time he had finished. He really did not feel like talking tonight.  
______________________

Face lay in the darkness, staring up at the ceiling long after Hannibal had fallen asleep. He had been wary on returning from the en-suite as Hannibal had been awake and he had shifted over towards him as he slid into bed. But he had been able to divert the Colonel from talking or any more physical kind of communication by mumbling sleepily that he still felt a bit queasy and turning onto his side. Hannibal had moved away from him and Face had felt relieved. He had not wanted to talk and the thought of using one of his standard avoidance tactics of diverting Hannibal with sex had stirred the same feeling of panic that had hit him earlier. He had not wanted that to be the time his lover picked up on his weight gain or loss of tone.

Spending an uneasy night, drifting in and out of sleep, at the first glimpses of light, Face got out of bed, pulled on his tracksuit and running shoes and with a quick glance at the still sleeping colonel, he slipped out of the bedroom. The scammed house backed onto open ground, one way leading to a wooded area, the other to a large hill and Face was soon sprinting towards the track which meandered its way up the steep slope.  
_________________________________

As Hannibal woke, he did not need to open his eyes and look or reach out a hand to know that Face was gone, his sixth sense already letting him know that he was alone. The absence of Face’s running gear telling him where his lover had disappeared off to so early and he sighed as he headed for the bathroom and a shower to help clear his head. He had recognised the clear signs last night that Face wanted to be left alone and so he had pulled back and given him what he so obviously craved. Now however, he was wondering if it had been the right move, giving him space.

It had always been a fine balancing act with Face, knowing when to push him and when to back off. Crowding him, trying to force him to talk would more often than not, make him clam up tighter. The harder Hannibal would push him to talk about whatever was troubling him the further he pulled back. He would remain stubbornly silent or divert attention with a quip or use misdirection. He was a master at it. A self defence mechanism learned long ago by the boy that was still firmly entrenched in the man. But then there were times when he needed Hannibal to push him, times when he would eventually open up and the Colonel had a bad feeling that last night had been one of those times and he had lost the moment. Even though he had no evidence that there was anything really wrong, the knotted feeling that seemed to have taken up residence in his gut was proof enough for him.

Back in their room, Hannibal towelled himself dry, before pulling on his clothes and thought back over his lovers behaviour last night. He knew that Face had not been entirely truthful with him. If he had gotten sick just through eating Murdock’s cooking then he would have been bitching more and he had eaten a whole bowl full of the stuff the night before. Face did not get queasy if he found out something he had eaten was, to use one of the Captain’s favourite phrases, a bit icky. B.A. and himself, well they had both been known to turn slightly green after learning a secret ingredients identity, but Face was more philosophical about it even if he would avoid it in future. So in all likelihood Face had lied to him about the dip making him throw up. Then there was the kid’s weak attempt at claiming to feel queasy to avoid him when he got into bed and his being up and out so early this morning. All spoke of something deeper going on and increased Hannibal’s concern as well as his determination to find out what was wrong.   
__________________________________

Face forced himself to pick up his speed as he covered the final half mile of open land back to the house. He felt exhausted having run further and faster than he had in a long time, but he still pushed himself to sprint the final bit and almost sank to the ground as he reached the waist high wall at the back of the house. Instead he controlled his descent and crouched down leaning back against the wall, panting harshly and getting his breath back before pushing himself up and heading back into the house.

“Good run?”

The unexpected sound of Hannibal’s voice startled him and he spun around to see his lover appear in the archway to the kitchen, sipping at a steaming cup of coffee. He had not expected the Colonel to be up quite yet, but then a glance at the wall clock just over Hannibal’s shoulder told him he had been out far longer than he thought.

Schooling his features into an easy smile, he paused on his way through to the gym which was purpose built, fully equipped and the main reason B.A. had not killed Murdock over the past weeks of lying low here. It was part of what made this house such a good hiding place. It was secluded enough for them but with the right facilities, a defensible layout and various escape routes out of the area.

“Yeah, it was good, just going to finish off with some weights and then grab a shower.” Face turned away starting to walk off to the gym but he was stopped again by Hannibal’s voice.

“You’re feeling better then?”

This time he only turned his head partially round towards the Colonel, “Yeah, I told you, it was nothing.”

“You were up…..”

“Look Hannibal,” Face interrupted him, “I want to get moving before I cool down too much okay?” he did not wait for an answer, just walked into the gym and started his workout.

Hannibal watched him go, sipping at his coffee thoughtfully. Everything about his lover this morning, from the carefully placed bullshit grin to not meeting his eyes was screaming out that he had been right on two counts. His gut instinct that something was wrong and that he had missed the first chance to push Face into telling him what the problem was. So he would just have to be patient and watch and be resigned that if Face sorted it out himself quickly then he would probably never know. It hurt, more than he cared to admit, that even after five years as lovers and all that had gone before that Face still did not come to him when something was weighing this heavily on his mind. He understood it, knowing his background and at least some of the things he had been through as a child, but it still hurt.  
______________________________

That evening, Face seemed more relaxed and as they sat around the big table in the kitchen, eating the roast chicken dinner that Murdock had prepared, the atmosphere was light. Hannibal watched Face cover for B.A. as the Captain accused him of foul play in the disappearance of his harmonica. He had found it somewhere in the house and B.A. had threatened to destroy it in various ways on more than one occasion. Face turned to him, giving a sly wink and a grin and suddenly Hannibal was not sure who the culprit was. By giving B.A. an alibi he was of course also providing one for himself. 

As the meal continued, Hannibal kept his watch on Face and apart from not eating much, he did indeed seem to have resolved whatever had been bothering him. There were no signs of strain in his body language or his voice and Hannibal began to relax in response. Maybe it was nothing after all. He had to admit he was more edgy himself at the moment, this laying low was not the kind of environment that his team thrived on. At first it had been good for all of them to finally hole up somewhere relatively safe after a few too many close calls with the MPs. Now they had all had enough, but the dropping totally out of sight was working, the intensity of the hunt for them was decreasing if what they were picking up from their various scanners was accurate. They just needed to stay put for a while longer and then they could begin to look for their first client.

His focus was bought back to the table by B.A. leaning across him and swiping the bowl of ice cream that Murdock had just filled. 

“Manners make the man B.A.” but despite his words Murdock reached over putting another scoop in the retreating bowl.

Hannibal accepted his gratefully, one benefit to all this down time was Murdock’s cooking, when he stuck to normal ingredients he was brilliant and he always made sure there was pudding. Face waved away the bowl pushed in his direction, “No thanks Buddy,” 

Murdock looked crestfallen, “But you love ice cream,” he pushed the bowl back towards Face, “I got it specially” 

“Thanks but, I don’t want it,” Face looked away hoping that Murdock would back off and trying to bite down that same feeling of panic which had assailed him the night before. He did love ice cream, but thought of eating it right now filled him with dread. He had eaten the chicken and some of the vegetables and they had been good, but they were enough. He could not eat anything else. Especially ice cream.

“It’s chocolate,” Murdock tired his best coaxing voice and lifted the bowl up moving it to and fro under Face’s nose.

“I said I didn’t want it Murdock,” this time the bowl was taken away, the harsher tone to his voice doing the trick, but it also drew Hannibal’s attention. He saw his lover watching him with such a penetrating look he felt as if the Colonel could see right through him and he hastily stood up, heading for the fridge “Anyone want a beer?” 

But as they later sat in the living room watching the football game he still felt Hannibal’s eyes on him as his untouched beer sat on the floor beside his chair.

_______________________

Five days later Face stood in the kitchen leaning against the counter, box of cereal in his hand, picking out bran flakes and popping them into his mouth. He was reading the side of the box working out how many he should have when he heard the others starting to move about upstairs. It was starting to be his favourite time of the day, the early morning time when the house was still asleep and he has space to himself whilst still having the comforting feeling of the team close by. He was managing things well, up early and out for a run before anyone else was stirring. All apart from that third morning when he had come out of the en-suite to find Hannibal already dressed in his track suit, sitting on their bed waiting for him. Standing up as he had re-entered the room, smiling and ushering them both out of the door. Despite his initial irritation, it had been good running with Hannibal again, like they used to when such things were built into their working day. They had soon fallen into step together, their strides evening out to a perfect match, comments and jokes thrown between them as they ran. It was the only time that Hannibal had joined him so far which meant that the Colonel had decided to back off slightly.

Face had been worried when he had felt Hannibal watching him so closely that first night and the next day, but he put a lot of effort into keeping everything normal, often finding plausible reasons to eat at different times from the team to escape not only Hannibal’s scrutiny, but Murdock’s as well. It had been hard enough to start with, cutting right back on his calories, he did not need the added pressure of them trying to get him to eat more. They had both been on his back on and off over the years when they felt he was too intense with his diet and now more than ever he needed to stay focused. The stakes were too high not to. Hannibal had got through his defences. Long ago compelling him into a love he had not wanted, that he had guarded against but that now meant everything. Hannibal meant everything, being wanted by him meant everything and he would do whatever he could to see that they stayed together even without the army binding them.

Murdock came into the kitchen, his thin dressing gown haphazardly tied over his pyjamas, jolting Face out of his thoughts, he had not heard him come downstairs. Face smiled at his friend, one of the few lately that came naturally and that he had not had to think about putting on, as the Captain rubbed at his eyes, yawning widely and murmured a muffled, “Good morning.”

“Morning buddy, late night?” 

“Nah, just dreamt in orange.”

Face nodded, popping another couple of bran flakes into his mouth, when Murdock’s dreams were coloured in orange, he never slept well, “Coffee’s on.”

“Awesome,” Murdock headed over to the steaming jug on the side reaching up to the cupboard for a mug, grabbing two when Hannibal appeared searching for his morning fix before heading to the shower.

As Murdock poured, he glanced over at Face, “You not having milk with those?”

“No, I like ‘em like this.”

“Man, that’s weird.” B.A. joined in as he came into the kitchen wearing loose shorts and t-shirt and heading for the back door.

“You going for a run?” 

“Yeah.”

“I’ll come with you,” he pushed himself away from the counter, putting the box down and walked over to join B.A. He tried to ignore Hannibal’s glare and the way his hand stilled in its reach for a coffee mug, realising too late that he had made a mistake.

“You’ve just been for a run.”

“Didn’t go far, got a bad cramp and walked back, but its eased now, may as well go out,” he left quickly, not giving the colonel a chance to offer to tag along or quiz him further.

Face loved running and with B.A.’s shorter stride, his second run of the morning should have been no problem to him, but he found himself struggling as they neared a clearing in the wood. Feeling grateful when B.A. stopped and turned away from him to look out across the view down the valley, he blinked trying to stop the trees from spinning in front of his eyes.

“Beautiful, isn’t it?”

B.A.s voice sounded far away and Face leant heavily against a tree, willing his legs to hold him up, but his vision blurred and he felt his legs give way and he sank down to sit at the base of the tree. He rested his head back against the thick trunk and looked up to see B.A. regarding him, concern written all over his face, “I prefer a city view.” He put as much strength into his voice as he could, trying to turn his body language to that of resting rather than that of nearly fainting.

B.A. walked over, crouching down in front of him, his voice soft, “You okay Face?” 

He drank from his bottle of water before answering, “Sure,” and he did feel better, his vision was clearer and his legs responded as he pushed himself back up, forcing B.A. to stand up with him. He started jogging back down the path turning back, “Hey Bosco, last one back has to go get the supplies with Murdock.”

B.A. shuddered and took off after the Lieutenant, determined that he would not be stuck with that particular job again.

_________________________

An hour later and Face held tightly onto the punch bag suspended from the gym ceiling keeping it steady as B.A. landed a combination of blows. The big guy finished with a final punch and a growl and then stepped in closer to the bag taking his turn at holding it. Face’s punches were less orchestrated than B.A.’s and less powerful, but they were more unpredictable.

“Never make a boxer out of you Face,” B.A. adjusted his hold on the bag as an elbow strike shifted it to the right, “too much street fighter in you.”

“Says the man who likes to fight people in cages,” Face kept his fist against the bag at the end of his last punch, pushing into it before stepping away, “I’m done.”

“Cage fighting is a discipline, same as boxing.” As they both removed their sparing gloves B.A. glanced over to Face, “Hate to admit it man, but you’re looking sharp,” he walked over to the door, mumbling more to himself than Face, “Hope Murdock’s got something decent for lunch, I’m starving.”

Face stood and watched him go slightly shocked, it was not often that anyone got a compliment out of B.A. His regime must be working. He turned to look into the mirror behind the weight bench, stripped off his t-shirt and tried to see the improvement that B.A, had obviously seen. To his eyes, he did not look that much different from a week ago, maybe a little more defined, but still a work in progress even though he did feel fitter, more in shape. Then he looked with different eyes, trying to see what Hannibal saw. He knew that people found him attractive, had been made aware of that at a very early age, but he had never understood it. He had learned how to use it, discovered what it was about his body that turned people on, but looking in the mirror now he still could not see it.

A sudden unexpected feeling of loneliness swept through him and he quickly pulled on his t-shirt and headed upstairs. He walked quietly to the bedroom and stood in the doorway watching Hannibal hunched over the desk in the corner, his long legs tucked awkwardly under the low chair. He was intently focused on the laptop and its attached scanning equipment and Face was able to observe him freely, the loneliness pushed aside just by being with his lover.

But soon watching was not enough and he was drawn into room, kicking the door shut with the heel of his foot and throwing the lock on before walking over to the desk.

Hannibal did not look up, but acknowledged him with a single word, “Kid.”

Face did not respond with words, instead he reached around the back of Hannibal’s shoulders, embracing him from behind and letting his hands roam over his chest. 

Hannibal sighed, leaning back in the chair, but still did not take his attention from the equipment in front of him. Face started nuzzling into the side of his neck, working his tongue around the shell of his ear and moving his hands lower, he slid one onto the Colonels thigh moving it with a firm pressure to rub over his groin.

“Face, I’m working here.”

“Do it later,” the words were whispered into Hannibal’s ear causing him to shiver as the warm breath flowed over the wetness left from his tongue.

But Hannibal removed the hand what was caressing his cock through his jeans and pushed Face away with his back, “This is important Kid.”

“Okay.”

Something in the tone of that familiar word made Hannibal look up and instinctively he reached out his hand grabbing Face’s wrist as he moved away. Face looked down at the floor and then back up to the bedroom door pulling against Hannibal’s grip, “I’m going for a shower.”

Hannibal did not let go, instead he pushed himself to his feet and moved to stand in front of his lover shifting his hands onto the broad shoulders, “Work can wait,” he smiled and pulled Face backwards to the bed.

Face reacted by surging forward and kissing him with an almost desperate energy, landing them both heavily on the bed and despite Hannibal’s soothing attempts to slow the pace down, their lovemaking was urgent and frantic.

Hannibal pulled out of his lover and flopped down beside him, startled when Face immediately moved to get up, he reached out and held him still. “Hey, come here,” he pulled Face back down and as he lay on his back, Hannibal moved over and snuggled into his side, arms around him, a hand lazily wandering over his torso.

“All the exercise is paying off kid you’re looking great,” he felt Face tense in his arms at the compliment, another small sign in nearly a week of Face trying just that bit too hard to act as if everything was okay. Hannibal had not been sure at first whether it was an act or if Face had worked out whatever was troubling him, but over the days, it was when he smiled that Hannibal could see the pretence. The Kid’s genuine smiles had always warmed his heart, the false ones of the past few days had just sent shards of worry through him. Heightening his concern was the way that Face had thrown himself back into a fitness programme as though using it as an avoidance tactic. He hugged Face, squeezing tightly, “just don’t overdo it okay, you’ve been pushing yourself pretty hard lately.”

Face relaxed into the embrace, “Did you pick up anything on the scanners?”

“Not yet, I was just going to run the software when I was distracted,” he moved over to kiss Face’s lips, but found the man in his arms pulling away again.

“I’ll let you get back to it then.”

“Not so fast Kid,” Hannibal stopped him with the words before thinking it through but when he found Face staring at him, with an expectant look, he ploughed on, “Are you okay?”

“Yeah, of course,” Face looked puzzled.

Hannibal shook his head, “You’ve been off all week,” he said with conviction, “What’s wrong?”

“Nothing,” he paused then, running his tongue over his lips and letting his head fall back onto the pillow, “It’s just…..when are we going to find a client? Get working again?”

“I told you Face, as soon as the search has been scaled back enough to a level that we can handle.”

“What if no one wants to hire us? What do we do then?”

“They will. Is that what has been getting to you?”

“Nothing’s been getting to me, but I guess I’ve been thinking about it a bit. We need to be ready Boss, all of us have been coasting here and if we do get someone to hire us, we need to be on form. Six months in prison and the time out here, we at least need to start getting some weapons training in, maybe set up some tactics scenarios too.”

Hannibal looked thoughtful, he had been busy working out how and where they were going to operate he had not giving this any consideration, but Face certainly had a point.

It was not until later when he was sitting alone, back at the computer checking the word recognition software on one of the scanners and thinking of ways for them to keep in practice with gun training without attracting unwanted attention. It was not until then that he realised that he had been conned. Face misdirecting him onto another issue rather than talking about what was really bothering him.  
____________________________

It was realising that he had been played that afternoon that made Hannibal more determined than ever to find out what was going on with his lover. The instinctive warning in his gut that had been pushed aside over the last week with Face’s everything is normal act and his own concerns over planning for their future, was back in full force. He had allowed himself to get distracted, but not anymore.

He did not have to wait long to have his gut feeling re-enforced as he made his way downstairs the next morning. Pausing to look out of the small window on the first landing he frowned at the dark storm clouds gathering over the hills. They cast a dull, bleak light through the house that matched his own mood. He continued on towards the kitchen and heard the argument before he reached it, raised voices echoing through to the hall.

“That’s the second time man,” B.A. sounded very annoyed, “the second time you….”

“You don’t know what you’re talking about B.A. I’ve told you nothing happened,” No wonder the big guy sounded annoyed that tone was Face at his most arrogant.

Hannibal moved nearer, stopping in the doorway without being noticed and stood watching. The overhead light was on, illuminating the whole scene almost as if it were a stage, standing out from the dullness of the rest of the house and the two players were sat at the table facing each other.

“It did,” B.A. was starting to get really riled now, leaning forward across the table “the first time up in the woods and just now when you lifted that last weight.”

Face sat back sprawled, seemingly relaxed in the chair, but Hannibal had spent years with this man and could clearly see the tension in his body, “Nothing happened B.A. you’re seeing things that are not there.”

“I know what I saw. I’m not stupid man.”

Hannibal watched as Face’s expression changed into one of amused disdain and he raised an eyebrow, “Really?”

And Hannibal could see exactly what he was doing. He was pushing B.A.’s buttons, trying to make him angry so that he could use it to push him away, it was a calculated act….. and it was working. B.A. rose quickly from his own chair, pushing it back so hard that it teetered, almost toppling over. Face stood in response and whilst B.A. glared at him the lieutenant kept the same relaxed arrogant expression as he stared back.

“Maybe we shouldn’t use that knock out juice on you so much. Maybe it’s destroying brain cells that you can’t afford to lose.”

Hannibal winced as B.A. lunged around the table and Face stood back, hands by his sides in a fighting stance. 

“I ought to…..” B.A. had stopped in front of Face, muscles tensed but making an obvious effort to calm down.

Face did not back down, he pushed, “Come on then Bosco.”

Hannibal moved quickly then, stepping in between them, “Come on boys,” he reached up placing a hand on each of their chests, pushing slightly, “Step back.”

He felt both of them breathing under his hands and he could feel the beat of Face’s heart. It was racing, beating far too rapidly for this situation and he unconsciously moved his hand smoothing his palm over the fabric of his t-shirt.

B.A. glanced at Hannibal before flicking his eyes back to Face and stepping back a pace, “Maybe I outta tell Hannibal, let him decide if I’m seeing things that aren’t there or if I’m stupid eh pretty boy?”

For a second fear flashed across Face’s expression before the sneer was back, almost daring B.A. to do it.

“What’s going on B.A.?”

Backing down B.A. took another step away, “Nothing Boss.”

Hannibal looked back at Face and took a sharp breath in as he studied him closely under the harsh, bright kitchen light. He was shocked at how pale and drawn he looked. Under this light it was clear to see how much weight he had lost from his face. Hannibal dragged his eyes away, turning back to B.A. and tilted his head asking the question again with that one gesture.

“It’s nothing Boss,” B.A. repeated as he rubbed the back of his finger over his chin and looked down at the floor. He did not want to look at either Face or Hannibal right now. He did not like to tell tales and if he looked at the Boss, it would be harder to keep quite. He knew that he should probably speak up, but it was more than obvious Face did not want Hannibal to know, had not even admitted anything when it had been just the two of them and where B.A. came from, you did not snitch on your friends. Even ones that right this minute you wanted to knock on their scrawny ass. Anyway now was not the time, they were both too keyed up and B.A. needed to get away from him before Face pushed him further and he ended up punching him out. He held both of his hands up, palms out, “It’s all good,” he turned and walked out back into the living room.

Hannibal turned back to Face and of its own accord, his hand reached up to cup his cheek, but found empty air as Face ducked out from the touch and headed to the door. Hannibal grabbed his arm instead, pulling him back round, “Where are you going?”

Face looked at him, puzzled at his question, “For my run,” 

“No you’re not, have you looked outside?” as if on cue a flash of lightning forked across the sky and an ominous crack of thunder vibrated through the air. The first raindrops splashed heavily onto the steps at the back of the house, each individual one distinct until the downpour really began.

“It’s only a bit of rain Hannibal,” Face tried to pull his arm free, only to have it held tighter as Hannibal moved round so that he was blocking his way to the door.

“It’s a major storm kid and you are not going out there.”

“I need to run,” there was an edge of desperation in his voice that Hannibal did not miss.

“No you don’t” Face glared at him and for a moment Hannibal thought that he may not back down. But he did, yanking his arm free he turned on his heel and strode out of the kitchen, “Where are you going?” worried that he might just go out the front of the house, he relaxed as Face shouted out.

“Back to bed. There’s fuck all else to do round here.”

Hannibal leant back against the sink, arms folded as he surveyed the kitchen. His eyes lingered on the table, taking in the plate with the remains of B.A.s scrambled egg strewn across it. The fact that any was left was a testament to how abruptly the meal had ended. Then where Face had been sitting sat the same box of cereal he had been picking at the day before. No bowl, no milk, just the open box. He closed his eyes and all he could see was his lover’s face, the almost gaunt look previously unnoticed, highlighted under the artificial kitchen light. He had thought that Face was using his fitness regime as an avoidance tactic, throwing himself into it, to try and lose himself. Now he realised with startling clarity that it was a big part of the problem. Straightening up he headed off to find B.A.

He found B.A. in the living room stretched out on the sofa, he was steadfastly watching the television and did not so much as glance up when Hannibal came in.

“B.A.”

Still his eyes remained fixed on the screen, “I’m trying to watch this Hannibal.”

Walking over to the television, Hannibal stood in front of it, eyes locked on B.A. and without turning round he reached back and flicked the off button. He stood looking down at him, until he saw B.A. eventually glance up at him and then he walked over to the sofa and patted his legs, “Come on big guy.”

B.A. swung his legs down onto the floor and sat up, allowing Hannibal to sit beside him, he sat leaning forward with his hands clasped lightly on his lap and his eyes remained fixed on the floor avoiding Hannibal’s questioning look.

“What was that all that about?”

“Like I said Hannibal, it was nothing.”

“Face was trying really hard to convince you of that. You didn’t believe him and I don’t believe you.” Hannibal could clearly see the indecision as B.A. struggled with his ingrained reluctance to tell him what had happened, Hannibal knew he would see it as informing on his friend. But he could also see concern there, now that the anger Face had provoked had subsided. 

“You need to ask him Hannibal.”

“I’m asking you,” Hannibal let silence stretch out, hoping that B.A. would start talking to him and when he did not, he pushed a little, “I’m not asking as his commanding officer here B.A. You’re not going to get him extra guard duty by telling me what’s going on.”

“I know that Hannibal,” B.A. shook his head, but kept his eyes on the floor, knowing that it was Face’s partner talking now rather than the Colonel did not make him feel any more comfortable with this. 

“I need to know what that was about B.A I already know that something is wrong. If he is in trouble, I can help him.”

B.A. knew that Face was not going to talk to him, and that Hannibal was far more likely to be able to get through to him. His concern for his friend had increased after the blatant lies when faced with B.A.’s worried challenge over breakfast and that was what made his decision easier.

Hannibal had no doubts that he would get B.A. to tell him what the scene in the kitchen had been about but just as he thought that he would need to push a little more, B.A. finally looked up and met his gaze, “It might be nothing Hannibal.”

Hannibal reached out his hand and patted B.A.’s knee, “Come on big guy.”

“I was trying to check if he was okay.”

“What made you think he wouldn’t be?”

“Yesterday, when we were running, I think….. I can’t be sure Hannibal, but I think he almost fainted.”

Hannibal sat still, surprised that he was not more shocked at B.A.’s revelation, but it rather felt like pieces of a puzzle slotting into place, “What do you mean you can’t be sure?”

“Well we had stopped and I had my back to him, turned around and he was slumped by a tree. Looked real pale, but he brushed it off and seemed fine afterwards.”

Hannibal thought back to the overheard conversation, “And the second time?”

B.A. looked more certain, “I know he fainted. Passed out for a few seconds in the gym this morning. I saw him. He collapsed against the wall. I know he did Boss.”

Hannibal chewed thoughtfully at his lower lip, mind running over Face’s behaviour over the last week. “Anything else?” He did not miss the way B.A. shifted in his seat looking slightly uneasy, “B.A.?”

“A few days back I heard him tell you that he had eaten when we were out picking up the new phones, so he skipped out on dinner, only we hadn’t stopped anywhere except the phone shop. Didn’t think nothing of it at first, but then…..”

Hannibal nodded, a sick feeling settling in the pit of his stomach, “Yeah, hasn’t been around for meals much has he?” He stood up looking down into B.A.’s worried face, “It’s alright B.A., I’ll take care of it.”

______________________________

Hannibal sat on the desk chair staring thoughtfully at Face who was sleeping, sprawled out on top of the covers, t-shirt and tracksuit pants still on, but his trainers lay haphazardly on the floor where he had obviously kicked them off. He was thinking back to being in that bed with him just the day before when he had told Face that he looked good and in truth he had toned up, lost the little bit of weight that he had inevitably put on since they had been lying low here. The speed of that loss was what worried him now and he pushed aside the unhelpful feeling of guilt at not picking up on it earlier. Looking at him in the grey light of the bedroom it was easy to see how he had missed the lean look that his face had taken on, the sharper angles muted in softer lighting.

Hannibal was used to Face’s eating regimes when they were working. It had always worried him, Face’s strictness with his diet but he had understood the reasons for it. He certainly could not deny the results, the kid’s fitness levels had been second to none and had gone hand in hand with his being a perfectionist in all areas of training. Hannibal had seen him spend hours on the range with a new weapon, working with it, learning it and even through his scores had been exceptional, he had not been satisfied until they were perfect. Now however he was taking his diet to a new level, it was causing him to faint and it did not just worry him, it scared him.

Face knew that Hannibal was in the room as soon as he woke, and when he opened his eyes it was obvious to him just from the look on his face, that B.A. had told Hannibal about him fainting. Damn B.A. anyway for interfering, it had nothing to do with him.

“How are you feeling kid,” Hannibal got up from his chair and moved over to sit on the edge of the bed as soon as he saw that Face was awake. Face pushed himself up to sit against the headboard, his legs lying flat in front of him. A move that put some distance between the two of them.

“Fine,” he could tell that Hannibal was not buying the reassuring smile he dredged up.

“B.A. told me about you fainting.”

“He’s talking bullshit Hannibal.”

“No, he isn’t,” Hannibal had decided the direct approach was best, but he kept his voice soft, being confrontational now would only make it easier for Face to shut him out, “Look kid….”

“You believe him over me? Well that’s great Boss, you’ve got such a great track record of believing the right people lately.” Face felt a stab of remorse, when he saw the flash of hurt in Hannibal’s expression, a little shocked that he had used that, but his desperation to get his lover to back off kept him from speaking the apology that ran through his mind.

“It won’t work Face,” Hannibal’s voice was annoyingly calm.

“What?” Face snapped at him.

“The little stunt you pulled with B.A. downstairs, won’t work here. Say whatever you want,” Hannibal leaned forward and encouragingly patted Face’s hand a condescending look on his face, and the hand was sulkily pulled back, “Give it your best shot kid, I’m not going to get angry here.”

“It was hot in the gym and I didn’t drink enough water, so I felt a little dizzy, that’s all,” the smug look on Hannibal’s face had persuaded him to change tactics.

“You are not eating enough. That is why you fainted.”

“I’m restricting my calorie intake Hannibal. It’s nothing new.”

“What did you eat yesterday?”

The question caught Face off guard, “I don’t remember.”

“Well let’s start with an easy one. What did you have for breakfast?”

“Cereal.”

Hannibal nodded, “Yeah, with no milk.”

“So what? I know what I’m doing Hannibal. I know how many calories I can have in a day.”

“Geez what did you do? Work out how many of them you could have and then count them?” Hannibal had meant the comment sarcastically, but the caught look on his lover’s face sent another jolt of worry running along his nerves. “What about lunch?”

“Are you crazy? You want me itemise everything?”

“Just tell me. If this is not a problem and you know what calories you’re having, explain it to me.”

“A sandwich, I had a sandwich okay,” Face inwardly winced at the lie, he had skipped lunch.

“Dinner?”

“Oh come on, you know what I had for dinner, you were there. I had the grilled chicken Murdock cooked for all of us.”

“You only ate the meat.”

“I had one of the potatoes,” Face was getting really tired of this now, he did not need Hannibal questioning every damn thing he ate.

“Because that is all you were allowed? For fuck’s sake kid…..” Hannibal got off the bed and paced to the other side of the room, trying to bite down the temper that he had been determined not to lose. He had been prepared not to react to digs from Face, had been aware that whatever taunts were sent his way would be designed specifically to get a reaction, but he had not counted on his worry for him pushing him into anger. He turned back to Face deliberately keeping his voice low and easy, “You need to start eating more.”

But Face had seen the brief flash of anger and tried to reignite it, to use it to try and get out of the corner Hannibal was backing him into, “It’s my body Hannibal,” he raised his voice angrily, “You don’t own it and you can’t tell me what to do. You’re a former Colonel remember.”

Hannibal brought his head and shoulders up straighter, knowing what Face was doing did not stop the words from hitting home and the hurt put him on the defensive until he looked passed Face’s arrogant smirk, the defiant expression and challenging raised eyebrow. He looked into his eyes and saw the pain and confusion looking back at him and reminded himself of his own words and regained control.

Sensing the change Face lowered his gaze, hiding his eyes from Hannibal’s penetrating look, but it was too late. Hannibal had always been able to read him though his eyes.

Hannibal walked back over and used one of Murdock’s favourite dismissive words, “Whatever.” He sat down on the bed and placed his hand on Face’s leg running it up and down in a soothing caress. “Look Temp, I know about your diets when you’re training. Hell I’ve lived with them for years. But this is different and we both know it,” he paused waiting until Face looked up, “You are not eating enough and exercising too much and that is why you have keeled over twice. Face opened his mouth and Hannibal held up his hand stopping the lie before he could voice it. “No, I don’t want to hear it. We both know it’s true. You even wanted to go running in this,” he waved his hand vaguely towards the window where a blanket of rain obscured everything until a flash of lightning briefly illuminated the hills, “If I hadn’t stopped you, you would be out there now. Why the hell would you do that?”

Face let out a heavy sigh, turned his head away and his body sagged, to Hannibal they were all clear signals that some of his barriers were lowering and so he moved, swinging himself over to sit up beside Face on the bed. He slung an arm around his shoulders hugged him in close and brought his head down, kissing the top of his hair, “what I want to know is why? What’s behind this kid?”

Face let himself be gathered in by his lover, relishing the feeling of being held close by him, of being loved. When they had first moved their relationship to the physical he had been surprised by how much the Colonel seemed to want to hug and cuddle and he was also surprised by his own reaction to it. At first he had shrugged it off, not really used to that kind of contact now he loved the cuddling even more than the mind blowing sex, craved it almost, something that he could never admit to Hannibal. With his lovers arms around him he tried to think over what Hannibal had said. Had he been taking this too far? He needed to be strict with himself or else he would slip back, he liked food, the beginning of this diet had been really hard after getting used to more relaxed eating habits, if he let up too much it would be so easy to put the weight back on and that he could not allow. He had felt a little dizzy, so what? It had been hot in the gym and he may have overdone it running that second time with B.A. but thanks to B.A. Hannibal was worried which meant he would not let this go easily

He felt Hannibal squeeze him tighter as he rubbed his check over his hair, knew he was still waiting for an answer, he was not sure he could give. He could not tell him the whole truth to his motives for getting back into shape, could actually have the conversation that would follow in his head. If he told him he did not want to lose him, Hannibal would strongly deny the possibility and he would even believe that denial. Face knew better, did not think Hannibal truly understood quite how much their lives had changed now. How different things would be for them without the army. So he settled on a half-truth, “I needed to get fit Hannibal, I was getting out of shape, eating too much, not working out…… I guess I got a little carried away.”

Hannibal was silent for a while before he pulled back slightly, ran his hand up to Face’s chin and tipped his head back looking into his eyes, “And that’s it?”

Hannibal did not believe him, not entirely, so he gave him something else, another part of the truth, “I need for us to be working Hannibal, the guys need it to. We’ve been sitting around here too long and we are getting rusty. Murdock’s spending more time than ever staring into the sky and B.A. is starting to show a worrying interest in daytime soap operas,” he smiled at him and was relieved when the concern on Hannibal’s face turned into an answering grin.

“Okay you have a point and I’ve been thinking about what you said before we do need some structure. I’ve been letting things slide, to use to the army just telling us where and when to train. We need to keep on top of training and new advancements, so you can organise weapons training, B.A can sort out hand to hand, Murdock medical training and you and I between us can work on tactics. Okay?”

That was more than okay. It was a way to keep them working together, keep them involved. He nodded already running through possibilities in his mind, but was distracted by Hannibal pulling him closer across his own body so that he was on his chest looking straight at him. “And you start eating properly. I’m not asking for you to go completely off your diet, but you have to eat more.”

“Okay,” Face agreed and he meant it. The intent had never been to worry or hurt Hannibal and he could adjust his calorie intake slightly which would also keep the Colonel off his back. He lent in to kiss the tempting lips so close to his own, but Hannibal held him back.

“Promise me.”

That sent a surge of irritation though Face, why the hell should he have to make it a promise like some untrustworthy child, then the worry clearly visible on the Colonel’s face got through to him and he whispered, “Okay.” Hannibal relaxed his grip then and taking full advantage he completed his earlier action bringing their lips together in a slow kiss.

The sex was relaxed and slow, they used their hands to bring each other to an easy climax, drawing it out and then holding one another drifting into a light sleep.

___________________

Hannibal woke with a jolt to the sound of Murdock’s not so subtle coughing through the bedroom door, “Colonel, you ready to go?”

“Shit,” he muttered under his breath as he untangled himself from Face’s arms and called out louder, “Be right there Murdock.” He moaned as his sleep tussled lover reached up and pulled him back down for a deep languid kiss. 

“What was that Colonel? If you’re busy we could go another time.” The amusement was evident in the voice drifting through the closed door.

Reluctantly Hannibal pulled back and caught Face’s wandering hands as they slid down his body, “No, meet you downstairs in five Captain.” Face had a mischievous look as he draw a breath obviously about to call out to Murdock and Hannibal placed his hand over Face’s mouth. He felt his lover’s giggle against his palm as he lent down to silence him more effectively with a kiss. When he pulled back Face looked wounded.

“You don’t even know what I was going to say to him.”

“Guess it will have to remain one of life’s great mysteries.”

“Are you sure you don’t want me to come with you?”

Hannibal glanced out of the window, pleased to see that the storm had passed overhead, and he almost changed his mind and told Face to come with them to pick up the supplies, but when he looked back down, he saw how pale and tried he looked. “Yeah, I’m sure.”

Hannibal walked down the stairs to find the front door wide open and Murdock sitting on the step under the porch way eating a bar of chocolate. He turned to Face who was coming down the stairs behind him, “Get something to eat.”

“Okay.”

Pausing at the front door, Hannibal glanced over to Face as he headed towards the kitchen, “I mean it Face. Eat something.”

“Alright.”

Face looked at the sandwich he had just made lying on the plate in front of him, he took a bite just as B.A walked in.

“Hey man.” B.A.’s sounded apprehensive as he went to the fridge and grabbed the milk, drinking straight from the carton, he stood with the fridge door open as he looked at Face, his expression serious.

“B.A.” Face’s own tone was gruff and he did not look at his friend.

“Look Face, I’m sorry about before.”

“Which part, calling me a liar or snitching to Hannibal?”

B.A. slammed the door shut as Face waved a hand over his sandwich, “come to make notes have you? So you can report back?”

He received no reply as B.A. gave him a wide berth on his way out of the room. 

He meant to eat sandwich, he really did, but he did not feel like eating, he felt like running and looking out the window at the lightening sky he slipped out of the house. It was not till he got back and saw the remains of the sandwich sitting where he had left it that he realised he had only taken a couple of bites from it. As he heard Hannibal coming in he grabbed the sandwich and put it in the bin just before the Colonel walked into the kitchen. 

__________________________

Face entered the kitchen that evening reluctantly, but he knew there was no way that Hannibal would let him get away with another excuse for not eating with the team. Since coming here, most evenings saw the four of them sitting at the kitchen table for dinner. A ritual initiated by Hannibal who seemed to think it was important and he had reminisced about how his family had always eaten like that with an affectionate almost wistful expression. Face did not understand his obvious fondness for family meals, some of the places he had lived in had made everyone sit down to eat at the same time but that was only due to catering issues or the cooks working hours.

Everyone else was already there, Murdock wearing his bright red ‘cooks do it with spice’ apron was frantically stirring something on the stove and Hannibal was getting plates and cutlery out. B.A. was sitting at the table with his back to him and Face hesitated before moving forward and taking the seat furthest away from him still unable to let go of his earlier anger. Warily looking at B.A. he missed the nod that Hannibal gave to Murdock as the pilot dished up and they both bought the plates over to the table.

Distraction was an essential part of any good con and Face knew his craft well. Hannibal was watching him, there was no doubt about that so he smiled reassuringly at him and looked down at his plate with feigned interest, but mentally tallying up the likely calorie and fat intake in the food before him. He was grateful that Murdock had prepared chicken again but there was just too much of it on his plate, way over his calorie limit and so he set about working his con. He moved the food around his plate, put his fork up to his mouth, but stopped before eating to speak or laugh. Whilst the other two were engaged in a verbal sparring match, a few concerned glances sent Murdock’s way had Hannibal looking at the pilot to see if he could pick up on what was worrying Face about him. That gave Face the opportunity to use his slight of hand skills to hide some of the food. Despite appearances, at the end of the meal he had only eaten what he had planned to. And it felt good, a strange kind of satisfaction at managing to keep control over one aspect of his life when everything else was so uncertain, when the traitorous emotions were building up within him with no avenue of release. This was something he could do to try and keep the love that he could not survive without.

_______________

Face threw the trash bag he had volunteered to take out into the bin and kept the lid up staring inside, not really seeing the trash, but the scrunched up napkin concealing half of his dinner which he had managed to slip inside it. He glanced back towards the warm lights of the house and his triumphant satisfaction of earlier was replaced by shame as he wondered what the hell he was doing, hiding food from his plate and sneaking it out into the trash like this. He dropped the lid closed and could not bring himself to go back into the house so went and sat on the low wall further back in the garden. He was cold and the persistent headache that had plagued him for a few days made his eyes feel heavy, but he still could not face going back inside and listening to the sounds of domesticity and laughter drifting from the house, he felt cut off from it, isolated from his team in a way he had never felt before. It scared him, but he did not know how to stop it. The others knew how to do this, to live outside the army and Hannibal had his big master plan, so certain that there would people out there who would want to hire them. What if there was no one or if there were not very many and they spent most of their time like this. What use was he going to be? How long was Hannibal going to want him around? He sat and looked up at the stars trying to control the sense of panic that was again threatening to creep through him, and did not hear the click of the back door. 

Hannibal lit his cigar standing by the back door, watching Face as he coaxed the tobacco to life. He felt better than he had earlier, their talk had seemed to help, Face had certainly eaten more tonight, but as he observed his lover now he knew all was not right. 

“What are you still doing out here?”

The deep familiar voice had almost made him jump, but his sixth sense had told him Hannibal was there just before he spoke, “Looking at the stars.” He felt Hannibal move up behind him and slide his arms around pulling him back to rest against his stomach and he leant back willingly into the strength that was there. He breathed in the well-known aroma of tobacco smoke as the lit cigar in Hannibal hand rested against his own arm.

Despite the warm slightly humid night air Face felt cold in his arms and Hannibal instinctively tightened his embrace as Face tipped his head back looking up at him. His breath caught at the sight, “You look stunning kid, moonlight is a good look for you,” he smiled intending to try and draw Face out from the gloom that seemed to surround him. However he received a tight half smile in return as Face shrugged out of his embrace and stood up bringing his hands up to hold the back of Hannibal’s head as he brought their lips together in a rough, hard kiss. Face awkwardly manoeuvred them round the low wall and pulled Hannibal further round to where the wall was taller and out of view from the house. 

Hannibal pulled out of the kiss as Face’s hands went to his groin, one rubbing his cock through the denim, the other slipping lower to squeeze his balls. There was nothing gentle in his touch, but still Hannibal responded, his cock twitching and his legs moving further apart as he bucked into the hands. He felt Face’s lips move up his jaw line and then hot breath in his ear, “Fuck me.”

“What?” Despite his body’s reaction, this whole thing felt wrong and Hannibal moved his hands up to Face’s arms trying to push him away. 

“Right now, against the wall. Fuck me. Hard” The words were almost desperate and Face hitched his leg up onto Hannibal’s waist hooking it round him and Hannibal felt the strength in his body as he used it to pull them closer together.

“No.”

The forceful word stopped Face in his tracks and he let go of Hannibal, falling back to lean against the wall. His pose was one of his most provocative, artfully displaying his body, but Hannibal glimpsed the hurt that was hidden underneath the more obvious anger.

“Not up to it old man?”

“To fucking you dry and rough against a brick wall?” If he thought that was what Face needed rather than wanted he would do it. Would do anything for him, but he knew that whatever was driving Face right now, this would not help. He shook his head, “No, I’m not going to do that. I don’t want to fuck you Kid, I want to make love with you.”

For a few precious seconds the wall that Face had built between them, more substantial than the one he was leaning against looked like it might crumble and Hannibal put his hand against his cheek, feeling the pressure as the touch was leant into “Face……”

“Hannibal?” B.A.’s shout startled them both, Face moving away from his touch and looking over even though the house was out of his line of sight. “Boss we’ve picked something up on the scanners.”

Hannibal kept his eyes on Face as he called back, “Okay B.A. I’ll be there in a minute,” but the moment was gone. When Face looked back at him the barriers were back in place, his expression unreadable and his hand was pushed away as his lover headed to the house.

Movement caught his eye and Hannibal looked down at his smouldering cigar lying forgotten on the ground and he stamped it out forcefully, pure frustration in his action.

__________________________

He found B.A. and Murdock at the kitchen table both looking intently at the lap top and he could feel a buzz in the air, but Face was nowhere to be seen.

“Boss, the word recognition software picked this up,” B.A. did not even wait for him to come fully into the room before hitting a key on the computer. A static muffled voice could be heard and B.A. pushed a few more keys before it became clearer and Hannibal settled down to listen.

“So,” Murdock looked up at him excitedly, “that’s what we were waiting for right bossman? They’ve scaled back the search?”

“Yes Captain, that is exactly what we have been waiting for.” Hannibal tapped the table with his fingers thoughtfully.

“Yeessss. Now we can get out of here, right Hannibal.” B.A. looked up hopefully, he had never made a secret of his dislike of their current location.

“Not yet.” Hannibal drew a deep breath in and out, as he thought things through.

“Face?” Murdock’s question and worried expression brought the mood in the room down and two sets of eyes were fixed on the colonel.

Hannibal nodded, “Does he know about this?”

“No, he just walked straight through, didn’t say a word,” regardless of the obvious tension between him and Face at the moment B.A. sounded as concerned as Murdock.

“What do you want to do Colonel?”

“Stay here and stick to the plan Murdock.” And it was a simple one. Make a concerted effort to get Face to eat more, and keep a collective eye on how successful they were being.

“He has been wanting out of here as much as we have Hannibal. Might be good for him if we move on” B.A. sounded hesitant as if questioning a decision concerning Face would not be welcome.

Hannibal looked up to see two pairs of anxious eyes looking at him, but he could not express his growing concerns for Face to them. Despite how close they all were, it would seem like a betrayal of their more private relationship, so he kept his reply simple “He’s not ready,” and instinctively he knew the truth of that statement.

__________________________

 

Face stood in front of the dressing table, palms flat on its smooth faux wood surface, supporting most of his weight. His eyes were closed as he fought the wave of dizziness that had unexpectedly hit him and the hunger pains that had been with him on and off over the last week were back in full force, but he ruthlessly pushed them aside totally unconcerned with how used he was getting to doing that and how he automatically counted how many hours it would be until he next ate.

He thought of Hannibal still downstairs with the guys and knew that he should be there too, finding out what B.A. had been so excited about. Instead he had walked straight passed his friends brushing off their attempts to talk to him and came up here, seeking solitude to get his emotions back under control.

Hannibal saying he looked good used to make him feel good so the anger that had risen at his lover’s compliment outside had been unexpected as had the empty feeling that had accompanied it. Then he had tried to block the feelings, or at least control them so he had tried to push Hannibal to treat him without the beauty that he kept talking about, the beauty that he himself did not see. But Hannibal had refused him. Actually said no to him and that refusal had left him floundering, was it already starting? Hannibal getting bored of him? Then he had said words that had rocked him in a different way, made him remember what he was striving to achieve. Keeping Hannibal’s love. He suddenly felt totally worn out, tiredness sweeping through him and almost on auto pilot Face climbed onto the bed and fell hard into a dreamless sleep.

Frustration was beginning to become an unwelcome addition in Hannibal’s world and he felt it now as he looked down at Face, curled uncharacteristically on his side in sleep. His plan to take Face in his arms and make good on his earlier words of loving him was not going to happen. He had hoped that by putting those words into action that Face would open up to him, but the kid was such a picture of utter exhaustion, there was no way he would wake him. He lay on the top covers of the bed still in his jeans and blue denim shirt, his face sallow, breathing slow and deep and Hannibal could see the weight he had lost in so short a time. Instead of trying to manoeuvre Face under the covers, worried that he would wake him he got the throw from the back of the chair and stripping down to his own boxers and undershirt he drew the cover over them both. Sliding in facing his lover he slipped an arm around him and knew how deeply asleep he really was when he did not make any sound or movement. Usually there would be a low contented moan and Face would snuggle into him, but there was nothing and it was a long time before Hannibal finally drifted into his own restless sleep.

_______________________________

Face so liked having the time for his early morning run to himself that he had to hide the resentment when he found not just Hannibal waiting to run with him, but as they went outside B.A. and Murdock were there as well. He did not want them running with him, but realised letting that show would make them even more determined to make it a regular thing. He gave a bright smile in greeting but still moved away slightly whilst they ran through some warm up stretches. He could actually feel the frequent glances being sent his way which did not stop as they moved off starting with a slow jog.

About four miles in Hannibal called out “Okay boys, lets head back.”

Face however had other ideas, “You’re kidding right Boss?”

Hannibal slowed the pace before coming to a stop and following his lead, the others gathered around him. “No Face I’m not kidding.”

“Fine, you head back, I’m going on for a bit.” Face had his hands on his hips and shifted his gaze from Hannibal to the mountain path ahead running his tongue over his bottom lip as he reined in his breathing.

“No you’re not Lieutenant,” the use of rank after so long unspoken had Face turning abruptly back to him and certain that he now had his attention Hannibal continued firmly, “Murdock has researched and set up a medic refresher course and we are going back to do that.” 

Hannibal placed an arm around his shoulders effectively preventing his movement onward up the path and turned Face with him as he headed back the way they had come. He nodded discretely to B.A. and Murdock who took the hint and started their run back ahead of them.

“Come on Kid, let’s go get a nice family breakfast and let Murdock tell us how he can save our lives with a plaster.” He felt Face’s resistance through his body even though he was allowing Hannibal to steer him he could feel the tension in his shoulders. “We’ve still got to run the four miles back.” Face looked as if he would argue and Hannibal steeled himself for that. Whatever happened they were heading back, Face looking too close to exhaustion for any other decision. But he accepted it, if not gracefully and started walking, but Hannibal stopped and rubbed his calf muscle smiling up at Face’s questioning look, “Cramp,” he lied.

Hannibal looked at Faces profile, backlit by the early morning sun as he gazed down the path towards B.A. and Murdock who were already nearly out of sight. He straightened slowly, “You know you can’t run from what’s inside ya Face. No matter how far or fast you go.”

Face just let out an amused snort shaking his head smirking as if he had been expecting some sort of ambush, “That’s real deep Colonel, but I’m the shallow one remember?”

He was about as shallow as the Pacific Ocean, Hannibal had always been able to see through that camouflage. He moved closer to stand directly in front of his lover but still with a foot of space between them, “Why won’t you tell me what’s wrong?”

“Because there is nothing wrong.” Face kept his gaze over Hannibal’s shoulder.

“I don’t believe you.”

Face returned his eyes to Hannibal before quickly turning his head away to the side and taking a deep breath letting it out slowly and bringing his head back. “I’ve already told you. I need to keep fit for when you finally decide to let us stop hiding out here. I….. I kind of miss the army I guess. I’m just bored, I need to be working again.”

Hannibal did not miss the bitterness in the beginning of his statement and wondered if he really was doing the right thing keeping them all here. “You need to eat properly.”

“I am….. now.” The last word added to stop further integration at Hannibal’s sceptical look. “I promised you didn’t I?” Face reasoned that he was not breaking his promise, he was not lying as such. He was just sticking to his own eating regime and if that did not coincide with what Hannibal wanted, well tough. It was his body and his decision. He moved passed Hannibal, “I thought you wanted us back for breakfast.”

Hannibal followed him as they began the run back. Face missed the army? That was not something he had considered. Not seriously anyway. They were all still together. The four of them like it had been for years now, maybe that was why he did not miss it as he probably should have after being in so long. Just missing the army itself though would not have Face acting this way. He just could not equate that with his practically starving himself and he could not help a shiver at his use of that word. A word that he had been avoiding even in his own mind and it also did not account for the distance that Face was forcing between them.   
________________________

“What are you doing Face?”

Murdock’s softly spoken words made him spin guiltily around and straighten up from the bin, “Nothing.”

Empty chip packet in hand Murdock walked to the bin and Face held out his own hand, “Here I’ll put that in for you.”

Murdock just ignored him and putting his foot on the pedal saw what he was not supposed to. Screwed up kitchen towel with pieces of the lunch they had shared spilling out from it.

“It tasted that bad huh?”

“No, it was fine, good in fact, I just wasn’t that hungry.” Face tried the best charming smile he could come up with, but it was an effort.

“Face do you think I’m weak?”

Not remotely what he had been expecting, no lecture, no calling for Hannibal straight away, just a question that was so simple to answer he wondered why it even needed asking. 

“No.”

“Not even after I had that complete meltdown on you?”

“No. Murdock you are one of the strongest people I know.”

“I told you….. told you what triggered it, how I felt and you helped me through it. I trusted you.”

“I know and I’ve never told anyone.”

Murdock smiled, “I know,” Face was totally missing the point here, he did not even for one moment question his loyalty, “But I trusted you with how I was feeling, knew you wouldn’t see it as a weakness or think any less of me and I need you to know that you can do the same.”

Face regarded him with such an air of suspicion that Murdock wondered what the hell he had said wrong. With Face’s next words however it became clear, what his primary concern was.

“Is that the condition Murdock? That I talk to you and then you won’t tell Hannibal about this? Well there is nothing to talk about. For fuck’s sake I’m just watching what I eat and the only problem is you people trying to make me eat when I don’t want to.” Face’s voice was quiet but as powerful as if he had been shouting.

Murdock stood and listened just like he did sometimes when B.A. ranted at him and wondered just when the team had become you people. He also thought of how Face had been acting around B.A. but he could handle Face mad at him if it would help. Thing was though he didn’t think that telling Hannibal would help right now. He considered all the fun things that he and Face had got up to in the past. Things that had the Boss known about would have got them restricted to base for about a year. He thought of the times when they had covered for each other, nothing major or particularly dangerous, silly things really and looking back the Colonel had probably been aware of most of them anyway, but chosen not to see them. They had always had this kind of trust between them and he needed that to continue, but more importantly he knew Face needed that to continue. When his best friend got to the point that he felt able to talk, he wanted that to be an option with him, so even though Hannibal would kill him if he ever found out, he knew what he was going to do. 

“I’m not going to tell Hannibal, it’s your decision if you want to do that, I just hate seeing you miserable is all.” Murdock turned to the cupboard getting out a saucepan, he had promised B.A. curry tonight and that would take a lot longer to cook than the chicken he had for Face. “Look Face I think I know all your usual stuff you want to eat when you’re training, but if there’s anything you fancy just let me know.” He turned to look at his friend an earnest expression on his face, “And I swear, I absolutely Ranger swear,” he tapped his tattoo in a ritual that cemented his most solemn promise, “that I will not add anything weird to it.”

Face could not help but smile, “Thanks buddy.”

Face left Murdock to his cooking even though he was tempted to stay close to the wonderful aromas he knew would accompany it. On his way out to the living room however he grabbed a beer and a bottled water from the fridge and found B.A. right where he knew he would be. Face joined him on the sofa handing over the beer and he knew that B.A. would understand it as the peace offering that it was meant as. Face had not been ready earlier to accept B.A.’s apology but this was on his own terms now and he really did not have the energy to be mad anymore. B.A. nodded his thanks and his acceptance and they both watched the tv in silence for a while, the soap opera playing out in front of them. Even with the limited knowledge Face had acquired of B.A.’s current favourite pastime when one of the lead characters kidnapped his doctor he knew that was not right, “What did he do that for? I thought he was a good guy.”

“Nah man, this is his evil twin brother.”

“Really?”

“Yeah. You not having one?” B.A. indicated his own his beer, looking at Face’s bottle of water.

“Got a headache,” Face explained.

“Maybe you’d feel better if you ate more.”

Face totally ignored the comment seemingly engrossed in the screen, “Did he just sleep with his sister?”

“Cousin, but neither of them knows it yet.”

“Huh, okay,” pushing himself up of the couch Face headed to the gym intent on getting a workout in before dinner.

_____________________

They were sitting outside for dinner and Face was not sure if Murdock had planned it deliberately thinking that it would be harder for him to hide food out here or if he was being paranoid and it was just a really nice evening. He knew that Murdock would hold to not mentioning anything to Hannibal and that thought had relaxed him at first now though the knowledge that his best friend knew his strategy made him feel terribly uncomfortable and Murdock sitting right beside only made it worse. Whatever the reasons for eating out here it did make hiding some of the ample amount of food on his plate harder and he ended up eating a lot more than he had planned to. In fairness he could not blame it entirely on that, the chicken that Murdock had cooked for him tasted sublime and once he started to eat more of it, it was so easy to continue.

Conversation around the table was light, jokes about Murdock’s earlier attempts at a power point presentation abounded and the atmosphere was generally more relaxed than it had been lately. A sticky moment occurred when Face finally asked about the news on the scanners, but as he was focused on Hannibal at that point, he failed to notice the look exchanged between the other two as Hannibal brushed it off as a promising indication, but nothing that changed their situation.

The others continued to talk and Face grew quieter as he finished eating, a feeling of failure crept over him and he pushed so abruptly away from the table, the others looked round at him “Just going for a sweater guys,” he offered in explanation, “Anyone want anything?”

“You cold?” Hannibal queried, surprised as the evening was warm and he reached up a hand confirming with a touch that Face did indeed feel cold.

“Yeah a little, back in a minute.”

As he got upstairs he collected his hooded top fingering its material as he looked at the door to the en-suite. All his hard work had been undone by the team watching his every move and by his own loss of control. What the hell had he been thinking eating that much? Well there was more than one way to control his calorie intake. He had made a mistake but he could rectify it and he went into the en-suite, locking the door behind him and got rid of what he had just eaten.

Hannibal leant heavily against the wall by the bedroom door needing its support as he listened to Face throwing up. He thought that things had been improving with the amount that Face had been eating, but now he realised that he had been kidding himself or more accurately Face had been kidding him. This was no bug or dodgy food doing this, it was Face making himself sick and Hannibal almost joined in as that knowledge hit home. His first instinct was to barge straight in, but to challenge Face now would be pointless. He would push it aside, the way he had diverted conversations with him and pushed B.A. into anger. He would get more of the same if he went in now. He needed a plan, needed to be three steps ahead of his enemy, but how the hell did he do that if the enemy was Face?

He retrieved the cigar that he had come for and left quickly. He had some planning to do.

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POSTED TO HERE

Hannibal grabbed the tea towel from the kitchen counter, opened the oven door to rescue his carefully prepared dinner and swore under his breath as the heat came through the thin material to his fingers. He hastily put the roasting pot down by the sink, and threw the towel down beside it blowing out a frustrated breath as he did. Bending down so that he was eye level with the pot, he peered anxiously through the smoke. The chicken did not look too bad, he had managed to stop it from totally burning and if it looked a little well done, then the sauce currently simmering away on the stove should cover it up nicely. He went back to stirring the sauce which he continued to do when his phone rang and he pulled it out of his trouser pocket one handed not even checking the number calling. “Yes Murdock, I remembered to take the chicken out of the oven……….Of course I’ve got the sauce on…………Look Murdock, I have cooked before you know, just you two keep your heads down and remember to check in again later.”

Hannibal disconnected the call, dumped the phone on the counter and turned around to survey the table. It all looked good, at least he thought it did. He had the eye of a military strategist not a high class waiter, but the plates and cutlery were all lined up straight, there were even a couple of crystal cut wine glasses neatly positioned beside the place settings and he pulled his lighter from his pocket and leant over to add the finishing touch. As the candles flickered into life however, a corresponding flickering started in his stomach as he wondered not for the first time if Face was really going to appreciate this. This had seemed the easiest part of his plan, the most natural thing in the world to do for Face, but now he was actually implementing it, he was unsure what reaction he would get. A little sliver of anticipation ran up his spine as he hoped that Face would love it. 

His plan…..that was a grand title for a very fluid set of ideas. The closest he had come to getting through to Face had been in the garden, before B.A.’s untimely interruption. So he had decided try and spend more time alone with Face, show him how much he loved him, hoping it would get him to open up and if it didn’t, he would watch him so much more closely than he had been. Stick with him after meals, try and divert him after he had eaten and if he could not stop what he was doing, then he would catch him in the act, make it impossible for Face to deny the problem any longer. 

Sending B.A. off with Murdock to get them another vehicle served two purposes. It allowed him time alone with Face and it set them up with a much needed alternative means of transport for when they moved out of this place. However it also worried him, to have two of the team off on their own after so long hiding out here together, but that was something he was going to have to deal with. He could not always keep them within his reach and it had never before given him this much anxiety when sending them off on separate parts of a mission. Another thing that had changed since the whole Lynch fiasco and his feelings on watching two of his boys drive off on their own for an overnight trip had forced him to admit the possibility that maybe he had other motives for staying in this one place so long. That just maybe it was not only Face who was not quite ready.

____________________

Waking up never seemed to be this hard before, but then again he never used to fall asleep in the afternoon before either. Face dragged himself off the bed stumbling as dizziness hit him when he stood up and he reached a hand backwards as he sat abruptly back down on the side of the bed. His other hand rubbed over his closed eyes and he breathed deeply till the feeling passed and that’s when the smells of cooking reached him stirring up the hungry feeling in his stomach that he had been fighting so hard and he pushed up off the bed. Curious now as he knew Murdock was off with B.A. he made his way downstairs stopping at the kitchen door, genuinely shocked at the view before him.

An audible intake of breath was the first that Hannibal was aware of Face’s presence and he turned from the stove to see him looking slightly bewildered at the table set out for their dinner. The ridiculous butterflies in his stomach fluttered again even as he berated himself for the feeling and he held his breath as he waited for his lover’s response.

Those butterflies were stilled by disappointment when Face’s bewildered expression turned to one of flippant amusement.

“What’s with the cheesy set up Boss? Should I go get changed into a cocktail dress or something?” He gave a coy look before a smirk spread across his face.

“What? You think just because we are two men that we can’t be romantic every now and then?” Hannibal tried to cover his embarrassment in the face of his Lieutenant’s reaction by turning back to the stove.

“Hannibal, we’ve been sleeping together for five years, we’ve never had a candlelit dinner.”

Hannibal turned back to face him, the hurt at those words clearly evident on his face, “Is that all it’s been to you Face? Just sleeping together?”

Face looked mortified and he walked further in to the room, closer to Hannibal, “No,” he said fiercely, “No, of course not.” Sounding slightly more unsure he continued, “I…..I…… you know how I feel about you.” 

Hannibal held his breath. He really thought that Face had been going to say the words that he had longed to hear for over five years. Every time in those years that he had pushed Face towards that point, the kid had pulled away from him. Hannibal did not doubt Face loved him. It was easy for him to see, it was there in his eyes, in the things he did, in his whole body when they made love, but it still remained unspoken.

Hannibal was looking at him with an intensity that made Face feel almost uncomfortable and he wanted to say the words that he knew his lover wanted to hear, but he couldn’t. What the hell was stopping him? Did he really believe that Hannibal would just walk away from him if he said those three words? But logic and reason held no sway over how he felt and he choked back the words without really even knowing why he had never been able to say them. He ran his tongue over his bottom lip, shifting his gaze to the table and then over to the stove where two plates sat ready. A smile played around his lips as warmth at what Hannibal had set up for him warred with his apprehension over eating, but as he looked back into the intense gaze that regarded him with a mixture of hope and uncharacteristic nervousness he responded in the only way that he could, “Hey I love candlelight and it smells great boss. What is it?”

Hannibal turned back to the counter with a resigned sigh, picking up his knife and going back to carving off slices of meat, “Chicken, dry roasted, no skin, all low calorie.” Hannibal felt a hand slide across his lower back as Face made his own style of tactile apology.

“Can I help?”

“No, just sit down, it’s all done.”

What Hannibal had wanted to be relaxed and intimate initially felt awkward and tense, but over time they both relaxed and the conversation flowed in their familiar easy way. Instead of positioning them at opposite sides of the table, Hannibal had seated them next to each other, his motives not just to be close enough to touch, but also to keep a careful eye on what Face was actually eating. Hannibal pulled back from whispering into his lover’s ear, a hand caressing gently over a muscled thigh under the table and watched as Face laughed. His elbows were on the table, the wine glass which he was just about to sip from now paused in its journey as Face rested his forehead against the hand holding it.

Hannibal felt some of the tension which had been building within himself over the last week, unknot and slip away at the sight and his gazed softened as a warm tender feeling settled over him.

As Face’s laughter faded, he looked up to find himself being scrutinised, “What?” he queried softly smiling.

Hannibal shook his head, “Nothing. It’s just good to see you laugh. I’ve missed you.”

Face looked puzzled, “I’ve been right here.”

“No you haven’t.”

The light atmosphere suddenly became heavier, Face looked away blowing out a deep breath and Hannibal squeezed the thigh still warm and strong under his hand as he let go all the things he wanted to say in favour of rescuing the easy feeling between them. “So do candle lit dinners win the seal of approval?” 

“Hell yeah,” Face reached out his hand and took hold of Hannibal’s that was resting on the table, “It was really nice John.” He watched their hands as he interlinked their fingers, then looked up moving slowly forward stopping just before their lips touched, “Thank you.” Then he closed the gap and they met in a deep kiss.

It was Face who pulled back first, just as Hannibal started to pull him closer with the intention of manoeuvring him onto his lap. Face picked up the plates and moved over to dump them in the dishwasher.

Mixed feelings ran through Face as he loaded the plates and he was well aware of his lover’s eyes following his movements. Hannibal had cooked especially for him. Put a lot of effort into doing so and he could not prevent the smile or the happiness which accompanied that thought. But other more insidious feelings of failure and fullness were encroaching. He had had to eat the meal so lovingly prepared for them, felt compelled to and with the boss so close there had been no way that he could hide any of it. So he decided when he was forced to eat, like tonight he would deal with it and then eat what he wanted to when no one else was around. It was not ideal, the sensation and taste of eating good food like that which Hannibal had prepared tonight made it all the harder to stick to his regime, but at least he still had control over it, could rid himself of the feeling of failure by removing what he had eaten. 

When Face made his move, Hannibal was ready for him and as soon as he headed upstairs, he was right behind him. Talking to him, engaging him in a conversation even through the bathroom door, not letting him alone for a minute and the tension radiating from Face became a tangible thing that Hannibal soothed by coaxing him to settle with him on the sofa, refilled wine glasses in their hands and a favourite movie playing out on the flatscreen. Hannibal rested his head back against the sofa cushions, half closed eyes surreptitiously looking down at Face who he had pulled into his side with his free hand around his back resting on the kid’s hip. Face did not look relaxed at all and kept shifting every now and then as if he was going to get up any minute.

Focused on being ready with a countermove to whatever Face decided to do next, Hannibal cursed silently when his phone rang and he realised that he would have get up to answer it as it still lay where he had thrown it on the kitchen counter. There was no possibility of leaving it, Murdock and B.A. were due to check in and he needed to know all was good their end. So he reluctantly removed his arm from around Face and got up, “Be right back Kid.”

Hannibal grabbed the phone as quickly as he could answering it even as he headed back into the living room, but was stopped as Face met him in the doorway. Listening to B.A.’s report that all was well at their end, Hannibal nodded at Face as he indicated to him that he would take out the trash, but as soon as he went out the back door, Hannibal interrupted his Corporal in mid flow, “B.A. I’ve got to go. Check in again at the prearranged time,” and giving an affirmative answer that everything was okay, he hung up and slipped out the door after Face.

Knowing what he was doing did not prepare Hannibal for seeing it with his own eyes and he watched in a fascinated horror as Face used his fingers to make himself vomit. It was not an easy thing, it took him several attempts and an almost forced gagging reaction for him to succeed. Hannibal was partly amazed that he could do it at all as he remembered how skilled his lover was at controlling that very reflex.

When Face had finished, Hannibal stepped forward and unlike on his stealthy approach of a few minutes before, he deliberately made some noise and meet his lover’s startled gaze head on. “So kid,” he heard the shakiness in his own voice and took a deep breath to steady it and convey a confidence that he did not feel, “what are we going to do to fix this?”

As usual, the conman instinct kicked in and with a bland smile Face tried his best to cover, “Don’t think I’ll eat…..”

Hannibal held up his hand, “Don’t even try it Face.” He took a step closer using every bit of his command presence to re-enforce that there was no doubt what he had witnessed, “I. Saw. You.” Hannibal leaned forward as he pronounced each word distinctly, catching and holding his lover’s eyes.

The look on the kid’s face was close to one of panic and Hannibal who had been prepared for more excuses or a fight was caught off guard as Face stormed off back to the house without a word. He was just that little bit too quick and Hannibal just that bit too far away for him to catch hold of. Hannibal’s heart sank as he took off after him.

He found him in their bedroom but by the time Face realised what a mistake that retreat had been, that he was now effectively cornered as Hannibal came in and stood blocking the now closed door, it was too late. He was aimlessly pacing the room and the Colonel could see in every line of his body that Face was feeling trapped and he readied himself for the inevitable result of that, his own emotions not as tightly controlled as he wanted. The reality of what Face was doing to himself had just been forcefully brought home to him and he wrestled with his own reaction to what he had seen.

Face abruptly stopped pacing and strode over to the door, “Get out of my way.”

“No. You need to calm down and we need to talk about this.”

“There’s nothing to talk about.” He would not look at Hannibal, his eyes fixed firmly on the door behind him.

Hannibal’s fear for Face stoked his anger at the kid’s absolute refusal to acknowledge the problem. “Nothing to talk about? Jesus kid, you run and work out every day. You are hardly eating and when you do….., for fuck’s sake, you stick your dam fingers down your throat to…..”

“If you hadn’t made me eat I wouldn’t have had to do that.” Face looked directly at him as he shouted and Hannibal recoiled slightly at the fury he saw there.

“Had to?” Hannibal bit out, unable to supress his disbelieve at the words, “Face listen to yourself. Think about what you’ve been doing.”

Face reached around Hannibal going for the door handle, but the Colonel moved blocking it with his body and saw Face’s jaw clench in frustration, his muscles straining.

“Are you really prepared to fight me here Face? Because that’s the only way you are getting out before we’ve talked.” This could get ugly, but Hannibal could not back down, no matter how Face decided to play it, he had to get through to him somehow.

“I don’t have to talk to you. I don’t have to eat. I don’t have to do anything.” The anger was still there, simmering just under the surface, but the words more controlled. 

However their effect on Hannibal was not as a sense of helplessness overtook him all the worry and fear exploded out giving voice to words that he regretted as soon as they were shouted. “You will do as you are dam well ordered Lieutenant. You are going to start eating properly if I have to get B.A. to hold you down while I force feed you.”

“Try it Colonel, just fucking try it.” There was shock as well as threat in his voice.

Hannibal responded instinctively, desperate to make Face understand that he would not let him continue to do this, “I will do it if I have to,” he shouted.

“And then what?” Face was practically trembling with rage, his whole stance tense and little specks of saliva sent flying as he shouted back, “It’s my body, my life. Even if you succeed, you gonna hold me down for hours after? Because if you don’t I’ll get rid of it.”

Hannibal tried to regain control, knowing that Face was right, he could not force him to eat and that his fear for him had fuelled his outburst. As he watched he saw Face’s look of panic as he realised what he had been admitting to and he made a frantic uncoordinated, move to the door. He pushed heavily into Hannibal trying to drive him aside as he reached again for the handle. Hannibal took hold of him in an arm lock turning him forcibly back into the room. He moved one arm up across Face’s chest, holding him so that his back was against Hannibal’s own chest and prepared himself to field an elbow strike. But Face made no move against him even though his body felt as tense as Hannibal had ever felt it and he pulled against the hold.

“Get off me.” Face still sounded angry, but his voice was quieter and tinged with fear. As Hannibal held onto him, the resistance stopped and Face slumped exhaustedly in his arms as if all the fight had suddenly drained out of him. Hannibal cautiously released his hold intending to manoeuvre them both over to sit on the bed.

But Face abruptly staggered forward retreating immediately further away from the door and from Hannibal, “Leave me alone. Please just leave me alone.” There was a desperation in the quiet voice that tore at Hannibal’s heart.

“I can’t,” Hannibal shook his head sadly as he watched Face move over to the furthest corner of the room and sink back heavily against the wall. 

Hannibal observed Face for a few minutes, the silence in the room grating on his already worn nerves. Once he realised that Face was not going to make another move for the door, Hannibal walked over and sat wearily on the bottom of the bed facing his lover, “I’m sorry. I shouldn’t have said I’d force you to eat.” The silence continued to stretch between them. “Tell me what you are thinking?”

Face did not react at all, he kept staring blankly at the floor by his feet, arms hanging limply by his side and the only movement he made was the steady rise and fall of his breathing. Hannibal sat and looked at Face and a sinking feeling crept over him as he recognised the blank look as one that he had seen before. Not for many years now, the last time when they had been in enemy hands, the first time years before that on endurance training. Face had an ability to almost remove himself from a situation, it was as if he was not present anymore, he took himself away into his mind and only came back when he decided it was okay to do so or there was an opportunity to escape. The few times Hannibal had witnessed it he had worked out that it was like an automatic reflex, a trigger switching taking him somewhere where the pain was easier to deal with. Hannibal had wondered how he had developed it, doubting very much that he had learnt it in the army and then decided slightly ashamedly, that maybe he did not want to know. That he would use that defence now showed how much he was hurting and Hannibal could feel the desperation rising through him totally at a loss as to what was going on in Face’s head and he swallowed it down, needing more than ever to keep calm, keep detached and try to think of a way to get through to the kid and to find out what was behind it all. But how the hell was that ever going to work when his own happiness depended on the man in front of him?

Hannibal had always scorned the books, the poets, and the people who waxed lyrical over the physical pain of love, how it was a pain like no other. He had always been of the opinion that having someone shoot electricity through your body whilst you were hanging from your wrists was real pain. That was until he had met Face and then he had understood all too clearly. Had felt it. The sharp stab of agony and fear right through his heart that seeing this man hurting always caused him. A different kind of pain but in its own way, it was so much harder to bear. 

Hannibal toyed with his hands in his lap wishing for a cigar as he thought over how he had handled this so far. He had been planning and thinking in terms of Face as the enemy and he speculated if that was how Face was seeing him right now.

“I’m not your enemy here Face,” he watched closely for any reaction, “I’m the man who loves you and you need to start talking to me here kid.” There was no response, he was hardly even blinking, “I can’t help you if you won’t talk to me.”

Unable to keep the distance between them any longer, Hannibal got up and walked over to his lover. He reached out placing his hands onto Face’s arms and ran them up and down the soft fabric of his shirt, feeling the chilled skin underneath. A hitching of breath and a flicker in bright blue eyes was the only response.

Hannibal took hold of Face’s hand that hung limply by his side and placed it on his own chest over his heart his own hand covering his lovers. “I get a pain right here,” he pressed their joined hands more firmly to his chest, “When I see you struggling and I know that you won’t talk to me.” Hannibal stared intently at Face, searching for any indication that he was getting through and he saw Face’s eyes flick up and his gaze settled on their hands on Hannibal’s chest, his lips moved silently. A single tear ran down Face’s cheek and he looked so utterly sad that Hannibal felt his eyes sting and he blinked back tears of his own. He reached out with his free hand and cupped the side of Face’s head, using his thumb to gently wipe away the solitary tear. He bent his head down trying to get into Face’s line of sight, “Ah sweetheart, what’s this all about eh? Talk to me. Please talk to me.”

Face’s gaze remained fixed on their joined hands and he whispered in an awed voice, “I love you.”

The last thing that Hannibal expected him to say and he was stunned for an instant before he replied, “I know.” A truthful statement but totally inadequate to describe how he felt on hearing Face finally make that declaration.

Face raised pleading eyes up to him, “Then why can’t I say it?” 

Hannibal swallowed down the sudden lump in his throat, “You just did.” He could not keep the note of pride from his voice or the smile from his lips.

The exhausted drawn features before him painfully reminded him of how they had got to this point and Hannibal brought Face’s hand off his chest clasping it tightly as he moved his other hand round to the nape of his lover’s neck.

“What is it Temp? What is it that’s hurting you so much that you are starving yourself?”

“I can’t lose you.” The words were said so fast they almost ran together. 

“Lose me?” Genuinely confused Hannibal absently ran his fingers through the soft hair that fell over back of Face’s neck, “You’re not losing me.” 

“I will.”

Hannibal could deny it all night but Face would not believe him, he had to get to the reasons behind the certainty he heard in the rough voice. “Temp, I love you. Why do you think you’re going to lose me?”

“Because I don’t know how to do this,” there was frustration in his voice as he tried to pull his hand free.

Hannibal tightened his grip, “Do what?”

“Live with you outside of the army.”

“You miss the army that much?” Hannibal thought back over their past conversations trying to make sense of what Face was saying.

“I knew what I was supposed to do when we were working. How you needed me. I don’t know where I fit anymore. If this is it, if there are no clients, if we can’t do what we’ve always done, then what can I give you? I’m going to lose you and there’s nothing I can do to stop it. Without the army John what is there?”

“Love Temp. There is love.” Hannibal looked at him with disbelief, wanting to understand Face’s reasoning, but struggling. He thought back to how young Face had been when he got accepted into the service and his background. 

“Is it enough Hannibal?” Watery blue eyes begged him for an answer. Where before there had almost been an aura of resigned shock about Face, now his lashes were damp with tears that he was fighting to hold in. “Enough for you to stay? Enough to keep us together without the army?”

Hannibal looked incredulous, “You really have no idea do you? How could we have come this far and you not realise what you mean to me?” He took a deep breath, at least now he knew some of what was going on but could not address these issues before he got to the heart of the problem now that Face was finally opening up. “All that still does not explain this new fitness regime of yours,” Hannibal searched for words that would not reignite their earlier fight, “Or why you’re not eating much.”

“I just….. it’s like…..” Face’s breathing was getting more laboured as he tried to explain, but it was obvious he was struggling, almost panicked and Hannibal searched for a way to help him.

Hannibal thought back to when he had first noticed something was not quite right, “It started that night you said you were ill from Murdock’s dip, right?” He held his breath and hoped that he had called it right and that this had not been going on in front of him unnoticed for longer.

Face nodded.

“So what was it kid?” Hannibal’s voice was soft as he slowly leaned forward, both of his hands now cradling the sides of Face’s head keeping it in place as he looked straight into his eyes, “What made you even think of doing that?”

“Everything’s changing and I can’t do a dam thing to stop it,” his voice was quiet and rushed, “But this is something that I can do something about. I can lose the weight, stay in shape and I can make dam sure you still want me in bed.”

The gentle hold that Hannibal had on Face’s head became more of a grip as he unconsciously increased the pressure when realisation dawned. The words stung and Hannibal could not quite believe what he was hearing, “You think that if you put on a bit of weight I’ll stop loving you? Lose interest in you?” He did not give Face a chance to answer as disbelief turned to hurt that Face could think that and anger flared within him again. Hannibal removed his hands and stepped back. “When have I ever treated you like that? I have never thought your looks were all there was to you and I’ve never treated you like that.”

Face pushed himself off the wall taking a step forward and closing the distance between them, “You are always going on about how you love the way I look, but there has always been more. Not since coming here though, it’s all changed now. What we did, what we were. It’s all gone Hannibal, don’t you understand that?” Face’s voice was raised as he stood right up in Hannibal’s face and emotion was thick in the air between them.

Face moved his head forward the bare inch it took for their lips to meet, needing a connection and the response was immediate. Hannibal surged forward pushing him back against the wall meeting his kiss and roughly holding his head still as he plundered the mouth under his. He felt Face pushing back, felt his hands gripping his hips with bruising force and his mind flashed back to the argument he had witnessed in the kitchen. Hannibal retreated from the kiss which had left them both breathless and hard. It would be so easy to give in, to ride the tide of lust that had been fuelled by anger and fear, but Hannibal knew that would not help either of them and he needed to calm it down. Needed to turn it around into something else. Something less angry. He tucked Face’s head down onto his shoulder cradling the back of his head, his fingers buried in his hair. “No, no, no. We are not going there,” Face rubbed his erection hard against him, “We’re not,” he repeated. He ran a comforting hand over Face’s back, raining light kisses over the head buried in his shoulder. The hard grip on his hips was relinquished as Face moved his arms up to cling tightly onto his back and a muffled sob escape him.

Hannibal took a deep breath and reined in his temper. Being mad at Face for feeling like he did was pointless and ultimately unfair. He knew more than anyone how deep the kid’s insecurities ran, knew things about his past that he doubted anyone else did or ever would. Face was damaged. He had known that when he had taken the boy into his unit all those years ago. It was the kind of hurt that in all likelihood could never be completely fixed, no matter how many times Hannibal told him he loved him, no matter even that Face believed him. The real miracle was that that kid had ever opened up and trusted him at all. He also knew how much it cost Face, even now, every time that he did open up.

Hannibal wanted to manoeuvre them over to the bed, but as he started to pull away, the hold around his back got even stronger and one of Face’s hands firmly slid down to his ass as he twisted his own hips grinding their erections together.

“Hannibal, please I need you.” Face raised his head looking and sounding totally strung out and Hannibal caressed the soft hair under his fingers soothingly. He knew from years of experience that there was only one way for this to go now. One way for them both to release the built up emotion and get through to the other side where he could hopefully begin to find a way forward.

“I know. I know. I need you too baby come on its okay, I feel the same way.” As he spoke, Hannibal moved backwards taking Face with him towards the bed. He unbuttoned Face’s shirt and pushed it off his shoulders, leaning in to kiss the exposed neck pausing only long enough to tug his own t-shirt over his head before returning. Face tilted his head back and brought his hands up to run his fingers through Hannibal’s silver hair. They both moved their hands down, unbuckling each other’s belts and working on buttons and zips until they could kick off their pants. They pulled apart to hastily remove socks before standing face to face beside the bed. In the pause they looked intently at each other, but as Face surged forward, Hannibal placed his fingers over his lover’s lips preventing the intended kiss, needing to give voice to the words in his head.

“Do I love the way you look? Of course I do. Do I love you because of the way you look?” He shook his head slowly, “No. Do I only find you attractive because of your body? No.” He moved his fingers then, tracing the outline of Face’s lips before sliding his hand across a stubbled cheek till his fingers once again nestled in silky hair “ It is you I love kid.”

“Tell me.”

Hannibal smiled at the heartfelt request, “I love you Templeton Peck and I always will.” He reached out bringing their bodies together marvelling anew at the way they fit perfectly. Hannibal pulled at the same time Face pushed and they ended up falling heavily back onto the bed in an uncoordinated undignified heap, both laughing softly at the unexpectedly hard landing. The laughter helped to ease the tension that still lingered in the air between them.

Face lay sprawled over Hannibal’s chest and as they began to rock against each other, Hannibal continued, “I love your heart, I love the way you take care of B.A. when we fly, I love your sense of fun, the way you get up to mischief with Murdock and think that I don’t know.” As he spoke Hannibal moved his hand under the pillow, without breaking eye contact or interrupting the steady rhythm between them and smiled in triumph as his fingers closed around his objective. “I love the rare times that we can just relax together. I love the way I feel when you smile just for me. I’ve even got used to you hogging most of the bed. Don’t think I could sleep properly anymore without you taking up all the empty space.” Hannibal shifted on the bed spreading his legs wider so that Face was lying between them and he snaked a hand between their bodies. Face gasped as Hannibal wrapped his hand around his erection coating it with the lubricant he had retrieved. The gasp turned into a groan as Hannibal continued, “I love the little growl that you make every time you slide into me. I love the way you know when I need it hard and when I need it gentle. I love that we know that about each other.” Hannibal shifted again, lifting his hips and guiding Face’s cock to his opening, pushing himself into position at the same time. His voice was lower now, thick with arousal and slightly breathless “I love that you are the only one who has ever done this.” Face faltered above him, misery clouding his eyes before he hung his head down and Hannibal used his free hand to push away the hair that now hid his face, knowing exactly what he was thinking. “No baby. It doesn’t matter. Nothing before us matters.” 

Face looked back up at him, his expression intense, open and honest, “I couldn’t give you that, but john you made me feel like you were the first one, the only one.” He pushed himself slowly inside Hannibal, oblivious of the little growl that escaped from deep in his throat.

Hannibal came first, arching up as he did, pushing Face over the edge as well and Hannibal held him securely in his arms when he collapsed down onto him. He turned them both so that Face was curled into his side, his own arms still possessively holding him as he kissed the top of his head.

As Face snuggled even closer into him, Hannibal moved a hand rubbing slow circles over his back, “Before you came into my life kid, I felt empty. I was just going through the motions. I had the army and a family that I hardly saw and I…..” he broke off as he searched for a word to describe how he had felt back then. Too many campaigns fought, too many friends lost. He felt Face’s hand run comfortingly over his chest, “I felt cold. You bought warmth back into my life. You bring joy into my life and you don’t do that by how you look, you do it by being you.”

Hannibal turned then, so that they were snuggled together and titled Face’s chin up so that he could see his eyes. The most expressive eyes that Hannibal had ever seen.

“You know what we risked being together while we were in the army. Not just the whole don’t ask don’t tell bullshit, I was a Colonel, you were a Lieutenant. I was your commanding officer Face. You know what would have happened if we’d been found out. Do you think that I would have risked that for either of us if this was just about how you look?”

“No, but….” Doubt still clouded his eyes as Face shifted against him, hooking a leg further over Hannibal’s unconsciously linking them tighter together.

“But what kid?”

“The army held us together, it was so much a part of us.”

“No, Face. Don’t you see, we were together despite the army not because of it. Things are going to change Face. That is inevitable and not necessarily a bad thing but nothing will change how I feel about you or how much I need you.” Hannibal loosened the tight embrace, lifting one hand up to run his fingers through the kid’s hair, always loving the feel of it. He closed his eyes for a moment knowing that Face was not the only one who had to be open and found the courage to continue, “I told you in Florida that I couldn’t do it without you. I wasn’t just talking about the job kid. I was talking about my life. I missed you so dam much.” Hannibal’s gaze drifted off as his fingers still automatically stroked through the caramel blonde locks, “I never realised before that we had hardly spent any time apart, really apart for years. It felt empty.”

His attention was brought back to the man in his arms as Face reached up taking hold of Hannibal’s hand in his hair. He brought it down to his lips and kissed the back of the fingers he held, before holding the hand firmly over his chest mirroring Hannibal’s earlier gesture. “It was the same for me boss. You are my whole fucking world John, you have to know that.” 

Face turned away from him, slightly flushed and Hannibal moved his fingers held to his lover’s chest, shaking them to get him to look back up, “Hey, don’t. Don’t be embarrassed. There is nothing….. nothing to be ashamed about. How you feel kid….. it’s okay to feel how you feel and damn it Face it’s okay to let it show. Here with us, it’s okay and maybe that’s a lesson that I need to take on board too.”

He answered the questioning look to his words by quietly admitting, “I’m scared too Face. About this new life of ours.” When the questioning look turned to one of guarded hurt, he hurried on, “Not about us staying together, Jesus Face have you not been listening? It has never even occurred to me that we would not stay together.”

Face ducked his head down before looking back up with puzzled concern, “Then what are you scared of?”

“Of not being able to make it all work. Not being able to keep you boys safe. I got it so wrong last time, we almost didn’t make it through. I’m still not sure that we have. I nearly called B.A. and Murdock back when they left, not confident enough that I made the right call sending them out.” Face didn’t say anything, waiting patiently knowing there was more, not sure what reaction he would get, Hannibal came clean anyway, needing everything to be out in the open. “I wasn’t entirely honest with you before, about the scanners. It wasn’t just promising. All indications are that they have scaled back the search. Funding cuts working in our favour for once.” His try for humour fell flat as Face just stared at him, “I didn’t think you were ready to move on from here kid. I knew something was wrong, but you completely shut me out. I knew you weren’t eating enough and I tried to convince myself that I wanted us to stay here because you needed more time but in truth I needed that time as well.”

Hannibal waited for Face’s reaction looking calm, but feeling anxiety clawing away at his insides.

Face released him, moving away and flopping back on the bed he stared up at the ceiling silently, one arm flung out across the sheets, the other laying over his stomach. The white top sheet pooled at his waist accentuating his tanned torso. The silence stretched on into minutes until suddenly the younger man rolled back over, moving half up onto Hannibal’s chest a hand tracing over the Colonel’s cheek. He sighed, giving a rueful look, “You were right Hannibal, I wasn’t ready. You made the right call. And you made the right call about the car too. You know it in here,” he moved his hand further up to Hannibal’s forehead before moving it down over his heart, “You just need to feel it here.” Face flashed him a smile before turning serious again, “We will make it work Colonel. You can do anything. As a team we can do even more.”

The faith in him and the love that he saw shinning out of Face’s eyes made Hannibal feel elated, honoured and terrified, “I’m not a Colonel anymore Face…..”

Face interrupted him with a kiss before pulling back, “It’s not just a title given to you by the army Hannibal, it is part of who you are. I lost track of that, thought that it had all been ruined, but I was wrong.” His expression became sad, “I’m sorry, for what I said to you before Hannibal. I never meant it.”

Realising that he was referring to the last time he had confronted him about the problem, Hannibal nodded, “I know.” Moving his hands slowly up and down Face’s back Hannibal held his eyes, “What you’ve being doing, the hardly eating, making yourself vomit, and all the exercise. You can’t keep doing that Temp.”

He could see the effort it took for Face not to look away from him.

“I know.” Face ran his tongue over his bottom lip in a thoughtful nervous, gesture long familiar to Hannibal, “I’ll try and stop Hannibal I will.”

“But?” Hannibal prompted.

Face swallowed thickly but still did not turn away as he confessed quietly, “I don’t know if I can stop.”

“Why?” Hannibal’s voice was just as soft.

“I don’t know how to explain it John. I know that I can’t keep doing it, that I feel tired and cold most of the time, but I don’t know….. I just feel better after I’ve done it.”

Finally, Hannibal thought as relief flooded through him, finally he has admitted it is a problem and not how he did before, all subterfuge and promises that were false to himself as well as to Hannibal.

“Then you need to do something else instead, you talk to me or Murdock or B.A. when you feel like that.”

“No. Hannibal, I can’t talk to them about this.”

“Okay,” he wanted to say not even Murdock, knowing how close they were, but he was not going to push, hoping in time and if necessary Face would confide in his best friend. “Then you talk to me. You can always come to me Temp, always.”

Face nodded, “I can see how we weren’t ready before boss, but it is going help, being out of here. Moving on, doing something other than sitting around all day. Getting control back of our lives. We all need it Hannibal.”

It was not quite a plea, but it was pretty dam close to one and Hannibal understood the reasoning behind it, “Okay kid,” he sighed as Face snuggled into him resting his head on his chest just under his chin. He brushed off the soft tickling hair that had fallen to rest against his neck, before he continued on to hug the younger man tightly against him. “I’ll work on it sweetheart. It won’t be long now.”

Minutes passed in easy silence until a sleepy voice mumbled, “There is another problem we have to sort out.”

Hannibal tensed slightly, “Mmmmm, what’s that kid?”

“How are we going to wean Bosco away from his soaps.”

Hannibal laughed softly, lifting his head awkwardly to place a kiss on top of Face’s head, “I love you kid.” As Face drifted off to sleep Hannibal realised that he may not have been entirely joking.

______________________

Face looked out of the kitchen window at the sunrise spreading a delicate mix of pink and yellow across the lightening sky. Usually by now he would be dressed and heading out for his run, not barefooted wearing sleep pants and an old t-shirt making breakfast. Watching the changing display he felt more relaxed than he had for weeks. He had really freaked yesterday. The shock and panic that had engulfed him when he realised that Hannibal had seen him making himself sick had brought everything to a head. He had wanted nothing more than to run, far and fast, but Hannibal had not let him. He had pushed and Face had crumbled, all the emotion that had been building up in him finally spilling over and Hannibal had held on. Had not let him go. Guilt lingered at the edges of his more relaxed state and lost in thought he jumped when the bread shot out of the toaster. Caught up in his own fear and problems, he had failed to notice how much pressure Hannibal had been under, how much he still felt about everything that had happened since the trial. He himself was still not sure how this new life would unfold, still uncertain what place he would hold in it. What he was sure of was that whatever did happen in the future, right now he would step up and start acting like Hannibal’s xo again. Army or no army the boss needed that from him at least until they managed to find out if their plans would work out. 

He buttered Hannibal’s toast, leaving his own plain as he automatically worked out the calories involved in the breakfast he was preparing. He felt frustration growing as the feelings that were becoming all too familiar when he thought about eating started to creep in.

He felt strong arms circle around his waist and leaned gratefully back into that strength and warmth. He lifted his head as Hannibal nuzzled along the side of his neck to whisper, “Good morning,” into his ear. Hannibal had also not bothered to get dressed yet, wearing the same robe as he had before.

Turning in the arms which loosened to accommodate the movement, Face put his own arms up around Hannibal’s neck. They moved together meeting in a deep kiss before Face pulled back so that he could look Hannibal in the eyes. There was something that he needed to say. Something that he had stumbled over last night, but that needed to be said in the cold light of day. “I love you.” 

The smile that spread slowly across Hannibal’s whole face was not one that he had seen before and Face marvelled at the way it seemed to light him up from within. 

“And I love you.” Hannibal had heard the words last night and despite the circumstances it had been more than enough for him that they had been said at all. But to hear Face say them like this filled him with an indescribable sense of joy. He felt a strange sense of completeness settle in him and he leaned down again kissing his lover deeply and passionately. The oven timer beeped the readiness of their breakfast interrupting the moment and as they released each other, he let Face turn away. The words had given Hannibal a feeling of hope for their future. He recognised what a barrier Face had just broken through and it gave him optimism that that could be built upon, free from the stifling constraints of the army.

They sat at the table as they ate and although Hannibal kept a surreptitious eye on what Face was eating he did not mention anything. He noted the lack of spread on his toast, but also noticed that he had two poached eggs. If it was not quite as much as Hannibal would have wanted, at least he was not sitting there counting how many corn flakes he could eat.

Aware that everything was being noted Face was nonetheless thankful that Hannibal kept the conversation light and away from food and they were both laughing when B.A. and Murdock returned just as they had finished breakfast.

“Well boys, everything go alright?”

“Just fine Hannibal,” B.A. showed him some keys, “All sorted.” He turned to Face, “Got all the details for ya Face. We gonna need a log book and registration papers.”

“No problem B.A.”

The big man looked him over, noting the way he was dressed and he looked out of the window before turning back, “You not going running Face?”

Hannibal glanced sharply up at B.A. and then back to Face as tension filled the air.

As if totally unaware of it Face nonchalantly traced his finger over a pattern in the wooden table, “Nah, giving it a miss today Bosco,” he looked up out of the window and Hannibal did not miss his quick, almost longing look or the way his leg was bouncing under the table. “Maybe tomorrow.”

Murdock had been hanging back, watching everything closely from the minute he had walked through the door. He could see that his friend was still struggling but he was also much more relaxed and it was clear that Hannibal had worked some of his magic and Murdock felt himself relax in response.

Clearing his throat, Hannibal leant forward, “Did you get us a car?” 

“Not exactly Colonel.”

“What do you mean Murdock?” 

B.A. looked guilty as he explained, “It’s a thing of beauty Hannibal,” he moved to sit down at the table as he smiled, "And it has all the space we need. I can put in some great secure panels for the weapons and……”

“A van BA?” Hannibal interrupted already resigned to the fact, “You got us a van.”

“Not just any van Colonel,” Murdock joined them at the table, “You are talking about B.A.’s betrothed here.”

“Shut up you crazy ass fool.” Turning from his irritated look at the pilot, he smiled at the Colonel, “Hannibal man, this is gonna work for us much better than any car would have.”

“When will you have it ready B.A.?” Hannibal knew full well that B.A. would want to modify it to his own specifications. 

“End of the week boss.”

Hannibal sat back in his chair pulling a cigar from his robe pocket, “Okay Friday it is.”

“What?” Three pairs of eyes looked at Hannibal as Face asked the question.

“Friday we move out of here boys and start living again.

_____


End file.
